A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Eclipse: Chapter 19 (Selfish)

The song for this chapter is Crushed by Lesley Roy


When I first started Twilight, I told myself that above all, I would not become one of those fans: the one’s who spin around when they see a silver Volvo, or who blink twice anytime a girl says her name is Bella, or re-read quickly when the words ‘dazzle’ or ‘sparkle’ or ‘scintillating’ are used in a sentence. However, I was brought to an immediate pause in my biology class this week, when I opened my textbook to find that we would be studying prophase and anaphase under the microscope.


These were scientific terms long before Bella and Edward were studying them. Sheesh! Anyhows, despite my lopsided posting due to an equally lopsided school schedule, I couldn’t resist grabbing the book and finding out what happened next, as the vampires and werewolves near a war (and not even against each other…yet).

First off, I find it so interesting that Leah is now a werewolf. Up until now, I’ve only known of male werewolves (perhaps I have lost something along the way) but now I’m intrigued. I wonder if Leah could become the anti-Alice: like her werewolf counterpart, the balancing factor between the vampires and the werewolves. It makes me wonder if there is simply a disproportionate amount of male werewolves, or if the females simply do not live in that part of the country. And no wonder Sue is upset: both of her children have up and turned themselves into wolves. Try explaining that to the neighbors.

The whispers about the werewolf pack is so much like a soap opera, now that I’ve heard a bit of Embry’s history. Who’s cheating who? Who’s being true? And who don’t even care anymore? I hadn’t expected this from them, when their pack is so tight. Wouldn’t they be able to read the minds of each other and know the truth: or, at least have the risk of it, in the case of those-who-did-not-become-werewolves? Perhaps I’m simply jumping to scandalous conclusions…


But, while I was trying to think about the various possibilities of Embry’s heritage, I was distracted by a thought Bella voiced: will she be the cause of someone’s death? Because, after all, trouble seems to follow her wherever she goes — and not just in the clumsy sort of way either. This newborn vampire war seems to be the closest anyone has come to dying on her behalf. If someone does die, will it be her fault?

I have begun to gather clues to each chapter from the title, and this one is titled ‘Selfish’. It makes me wonder things. Who is really being selfish? Is it Bella, for wanting Edward to stay with her and out of danger? Is it Edward, who wants Bella away from the fighting, even though her being there might help to save the lives of some of his own family? Perhaps it is a bit of both. Maybe neither of them wants to the lose the other, and in doing so, are willing to sacrifice anything — despite the fact that it might cost the lives of others in the process.

Dire thoughts aside, there is something about Bella talking with the werewolf Jacob that strikes me. I don’t know what it is, but it seems to be one of the softest scenes I have read so far between her and Jacob: as if when he is in that form, it’s moreso the real Jacob Black, and the human form is simply something he assumes at certain times. Even Bella seems to feel how different Jake is:

“It was strange. Even though he was in this bizarre form, this felt more like the way Jake and I used to be — this easy, effortless friendship that was as natural as breathing […]”

As I read this scene, I noticed again why I seem to like Edward more than Jacob. Edward is a listener. He wants to hear what Bella has to say, and he wants to do anything that will make her happy and safe. But Jacob seems to be harsher in this sense: he seems to speak more, to talk without listening. Jacob can’t seem to assume the mature respect that Edward carries towards Bella: that is, until he turns into a werewolf.

Not Related To Current Thoughts
Not Related To Current Thoughts

But now, it’s a quiet scene again, this calm before the storm, with Jacob and her side-by-side watching the preparations for battle. He can’t say anything — he can only listen to Bella. There is warmth in this scene, I can almost feel it as I read: not just the warmth that Bella feels coming from Jacob, but a genuine, friendly warmth that lightens the loathing that Bella had developed for Jacob after giving him a (much deserved) whack. And I can’t help but feel like Bella: maybe, Jacob Black isn’t so bad after all 😀

Question for the comments: for both Team Jacob and Team Edward, do you like Jake better in his wolf form or his human form? Also, have  you ever reacted strangely when you recognize something Twilighty in real life (aka a shiny silver volvo).


– Still working on the Robert Pattinson contest with Youtube. I got a second email from them, basically saying again that they are looking into it. But, I’m starting to form other plans, in case the Youtube thing doesn’t work 🙁 Oh well.

– Summer School In Forks is doing an awesome thing involving free iPods and the Twilight movie soundtrack! Be sure to check out their awesome event (I’m definitely going to be there!)

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201 Responses

  1. Oh My Gosh: biology
    the instant my boring teacher that makes me fall asleep mentioned the word “anaphase,” my friend and I, who were falling asleep, immediately snapped our heads up to look at each other and start laughing. One of my best bio expiriences.

  2. I like Jacob better when he can’t talk. In his human form, he talks and acts without really thinking first, but in his wolf form, he can’t do that. He’s protective and loyal like a dog, but also silent.

    And I am also studying the phases of mitosis in biology. I can actually pay attention! We even did a similar lab that they did in the book. I got an A on that test. 😀

  3. OOOH yes. I have stopped telling people when i link stuff to twilight all the time, makes me seem a little obsessed 😉 haha. Someone in my neighborhood has a silver volvo thats similiar to the model thats in the book (NOT THE MOVIE) so one time after i started reading the books i stopped to take a picture of it. The, one time, i was at Capital Alehouse for dinner and looked at the menu, one of the entree’s was some sort of seafood from Prince Edward Island. I took a picture of the menu. O, and then, on Halloweeen at work, we had a guy come in dressed as Edward cullen. Best costume iv seen yet. I freaked,haha.

  4. Of course I freak out when I see something Twilight-related!! Silly. I like Jake in his human form because then he actually gets to TALK! I feel that he is the underappreciated and only comic relief the books really need sometimes. If girls could just put off their Edward fantasies for later, MAYBE (and that is a HUGE maybe,) they’d see Jacob differently. Or maybe not. SOME off them…. 🙂

  5. In response to comment #88: Hahaha! I remember that…so awesome. I remember reading his lips when he noticed us. “What the…???” What was funny is that our mom was driving and she hasn’t even read the books, but she was leaning forward and squinting too! Good times, good times. I think it was a S60, wasn’t it? There’s a person in my apartment complex that owns an S60. Not as cool as an S60R, but I’ll take what I can get.

  6. In bio, i sit with three girls who like twilight, but arent quite as into it as I am. But we started the mitosis lab and we were looking at onion rootand identifying prophase and anaphase and I started giggling and they started giggling and the other guy at the table was looking at us like we were insane. Then one of them leaned over and said something to a friend at another table, and she started giggling, and some of the people at her table started laughing, then nearly all the girls on our half of the clasroom were giggling and Mr. Andrews (our teacher) was like, “whats so funny?” and nobody would explain it to him. All of us just sort of shook our heads and looked at each other.

    Also, my doctor told me I had a form of influenza which is unlike the common flu and my first thought was “Oh My God, EDWARD!!!!” I missed everything after the word influenza.

    One time I saw a red BMW just like Rosalie’s in my school parking lot and I serouisly looked at the blond girl getting out and wondered where all the other cullens were.

  7. continuing my last comment…
    my sister’s name is Isabella, and we call her Bella. And my aunt visits us alot, and her name is Alice. When ever anybody in our family says “Bella and Alice” I go TWILIGHT inside my head. Even sometimes when I’m just talking to my sister.

    And another thing: I can tell you anything you want to know about WWI, because I payed special attention during that unit.

    Since the book came out, I’ve read Mansfield Park, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejuduce, and Sense and Sensibility.

  8. The term “imprinting” came up during a lecture and was also a definition in the textbook for my Child Development class. OF course my mind immediately went into Twilight world. The next day my friend and I were laughing and talking about how I should have raised my hand in class and given the professor the Twilight definition of imprinting. =)

  9. Ok, so I am team jacob. I honestly love Jake all the time. And one thing that you haven’t gotten yet, Kaleb, is that Bella is ok with Jake talking all the time! She makes her feel like its ok to just stay silent…. Just thought I’d mention that because in my public speaking class in college, our teacher mentioned that us women love talking but sometimes, we like shutting up long enough to listen to our boyfriends’ opinions and stories. We like when guys listen but we don’t know whether you are listening. Men have selective hearing so half of what we say goes in one ear and out the other for men. lol

    Ok, now on to my experience hearing twilight related stuff in real life………..

    The one that really popped out at me was when I was out at the gun club (I’m a trapshooter, which means I shoot shot guns at small orange flying discs.) and my mom works behind the counter where we put the scores up on the boards. our gun club has one of the largest shooting leagues in the country and the parking lot gets packed every wednesday night. ANYWAYS, I’m standing there with my boyfriend before we have to go out to shoot with our team when, over the loud-speaker I heard my mom’s voice say, “will the owner of a silver volvo please move your car, people can’t get out.”

    I stopped and grinned. I raced over to my mom and told her how funny it was. Unfortunately, she hasn’t read enough of twilight to get how funny it really is. She just kind of chuckled and went back to work.

    Now that I think of this story, I realize that it never would have been Edward’s shiny silver volvo because he wouldn’t park in peoples’ way like that! But it still makes me giggle to this day!!!

  10. i definitely turn and look at silver volvos when i’m driving. then if i see the specific one (silver S60) then i’m like haha aww edward. but i just got a used volvo and the dealer found it for me and it just so happens to be silver. so i call it my edward car. my friend’s mom got me a shirt that says stupid shiny volvo owner.

  11. Every time i fear o song from the Twilight OST I just freak out 😛 It’s really embarrassing when it happens in public…
    And not only do I flinch when I see a silver Volvo. Any silver nice car gives me the creeps these days. I feel like I’m going mad… lol

    The strangest part is that I can start laughing at anything. It doesn’t need to be directly connected to Twilight at all. My mind does all the clicking 😀

    And I have started to growl on people when I’m getting angry. lol

  12. So I’m the “Twilight Freak” in my family, out of all my friends, and at work. I love Twilighty stuff. What I don’t love is that sometimes I lose ALL composure. I’m 24 years old yet anything Twilight related sends me into a fit of squeals, giggles, and OME’s! O_o Not a good thing when you’re in the presence of other people!! Last month for my birthday a group of friends and i went out of town. We opted to go shopping and obviously the guys wanted NOTHING to do with it so we went our separate ways. When we were done shopping we headed to the crowded food court. I was exhausted by that time so I wasn’t paying much attention when we got to the table where the guys were sitting at. Out of nowhere I see EDWARD!! **COMPOSURE BE DAMNED ** Squeals, screams, giggles, shrieks, tears, and OME’s ensued. EVERYONE in that food court seemed horror-struck.. They must’ve thought I was having a mental breakdown or something but I DIDN’T care. I was now the proud owner of an Edward Cullen cutout! By far the BEST birhtday present EVER!!

  13. for days after my first time through Twilight I wasn’t afraid of speeding while my husband was in the car because I kept thinking he had “automatic radar”. 🙂

  14. lol, I have the regular “volvo” moments and such, plus I always think its funny when my dad makes spaghetti for dinner

  15. You KNOW you are from Texas when you reference Alan Jackson! LMAO! That was the highlight of the post for me!

    It depends on the scene; I like it when Jake shuts up…but he provides some great comic relief when he can talk.
    And I squeal whenever I see a shiny silver Volvo. I almost drove off the road in excitement one time. Also a black Mercedes (Carlisle’s.) And today in Anatomy and Physiology class, we were blood typing. My Twilighter lab partner and I sat there, playing with blood, pining for Edward Cullen to go with us to the nurse’s office. Also, the Prophase/Anaphase thing is way too familiar. What else? Whenever it’s twilight outside, I feel the need to say “It’s twilight…the safest time of day for us.” Strawberry-scented shampoo. One time in Wal-Mart, my brother said to a friend, “Hey, Edward,” calling him by his real name. I immediately squealed “WHERE?!?”
    Yup…I’m obsessed.

  17. me and my friends play the volvo game when we are on the freeway. spot a volvo and its 50pts, a silver volvo is 1000pts

    and I totally freaked out when we did the phases of meiosis in AP bio! lol

  18. I like Jacob in his wolf form–mostly for 1 reason and 1 reason only–he can’t talk! Mwahahha.

    And I recognize twilight things all the time. In my English class, my teacher has a folder with the words “Twilight school” on it and I flinch whenever I see it and I smile to myself. I’m always looking for silver volvos…I got mushroom ravioli at a restaurant once only because Bella had it..it was good, too…the list goes on.

  19. I definitely prefer Jake in wolf form. I’m on Team Edward, though. One of the main reasons is the very thing you mentioned, Edward is a listener and he’ll do whatever he can to make Bella happy. I definitely don’t think he’s the selfish one in any scenario…I can’t help but do a double take when I see/hear anything that reminds me of ‘Twilight’, like a silver Volvo or if I read the name Cullen or Edward somewhere else. I think we’re all a little too obsessed w/ these books. 🙂

  20. It is like Bella says… Jake is easier to get along with in his wolf form because he can’t talk. :]

    haha. I take the usual double takes, sure. But one time in class, a teacher came in to ask my friend something and I read his name tag. And my eyes just popped wide open. And when he left I just turned to my friend and screamed “HIS NAME WAS JASPER EDWARDS!”
    …it was a /little/ obsessive.

  21. You said about promising yourself you wouldn’t turn when Volvo’s passed, etc. Try being me, working at a retail store, 24 years old and freaking out when someone comes in a grey coat, very similar to Edward’s in the film… OR yesterday when a customer came in who’s name on his checks were “Robert R. Patz” lol… That’s DORKING OUT…

  22. im still team edward, but ive softened up to jacob.
    i prefer jacob in his wolf state, because it’s so much easier. then, jacob isnt trying to force a kiss out of her, or attempting to seduce her…he’s simply jacob.
    and yeah, ive had that happen. i cant see a volvo with out thinking of edward.
    oh! the other day there was an announcement made at our school and they said “jacob black” I held my breath like OMG! and texted all my twilight buddies. lol. too bad its not the real deal

  23. You are awesome. I worship you.

    Anyways, my cousin and I just about scream every time we drive by “Cullen Landscaping” which is right between my house and the city. My friend was once on a trip and met a guy named Jacob Cullen. This was too weird too think about too deeply.

    As for Jacob, I pretty much despise him in any form. I mean, the way him and Bella are hanging out when he’s in wolf form, would probably NOT have happened in his human form. Although I guess he is SLIGHTLY better as a dumb old dog. *Grumbles*.

    Oh, God. I’m like Charlie with Edward. XD

    By the way, love the bucket of water picture. XD

  24. “…and who don’t even care anymore. Makes you wonder who’s doin right to someone tonight, and whose car is parked next door..”
    WOOT!!! Alan Jackson!!! Yay for country!

    I like wolf Jake better. He’s sweeter that way.

    Twilight experiences…
    My friend and I looked at each other and grinned the first time Dartmouth was mentioned in our American History class, I jumped the first time I saw a GMC Denali (and then I remembered that it’s a place in Alaska)…and on the way to Disney World, OMG…I saw a sign for a place called Jasper, I got excited when I saw the signs for Jacksonville, I saw a Volvo and Porsche plant right next to each other, and best of all, on the way back, I saw a sign that said Embry! I got pictures of everything but the car plant. Kaleb, if you want the Jasper and Embry pics, let me know, but it may be a while as my laptop (where the pics are) is screwed up at the moment and I’m using the family comp now. My friend was scrolling through the pics at church one day, and I turned to talk to someone else, and then i heard her laughing hysterically, because she was on the Embry picture.

  25. Jacob is a good friend, but is so stupid somedays, me prefer in wolf forms cause is not talk much more.
    Edward is more responsable with Bella, he’s be safe and he’s right this. Vitoria is a monster so better keep Bella safe.
    When read a selfish i fell who Bella is so guilty herself, without need it.
    But agreed with you, Edward’s car is so good, it’s good has one.
    Now read all books,so interesting!!!
    so later
    Luciana Amorim

  26. Okay, I am Team Edward and so more into Jake in his wolf form, specifically because he can’t talk. He also just seems a lot more likable and sweeter.

    I have had SOOOOO many funny moments. Every time I see a volvo I have to stop myself from screaming. One time in my science class two girls did a project on black holes and said something about Super Massive Black Hole and my friend Ashley and I started jumping up and down in our seats trying not to scream. One time I cut my finger in a restaraunt and just whispered “Jasper”.

  27. I prefer Jacob in his wolf form, probably cause he can’t talk. Just like Bella said. =P But when Jacob opens his mouth things tend to get worse instead of better.
    I haven’t really had any experiences with shiny silver Volvos. =( But if I ever do see one I know I will react strongly.

  28. wolf form his big mouth is silenced and he’s human( ina way).
    And yes thunderstorms, volvos, biology, music, myself being handicappingly klutzy!, etc…

  29. I so team Jacob! And I like him better in his human form cuz he CAN talk. its just more interesting that way. I think it’s awesome how he so honest (even if it does come out rude sometimes… which is hilarious anyway so who cares!) anyway… so rite.. honesty. ok so ive never met a guy in my life who knows wat they really feel, let alone tell someone about it. And also, i think its unfair to say he never listens. In New Moon ALL HE DID WAS LISTEN! obviously. it was his first love. and who wouldn’t get mad if all of the sudden the guy who broke bella’s heart came back (not to mention rite after he was close to making her feel normal again) and won her over…AGAIN (grrrrrr). i mean its the human thing to fight for her. Which in my opinion he shouldn’t have to fight since Edward had his chance and blew it.

    Also, (and this is kinda random) but its so completely annoying wen people say that they like Bella with Edward more cuz then they “get jacob to themselves”. WHAT?! that makes no sense wat so evr.

    And i havent had many twilight moments. but in class we were talking about wuthering hieghts and i strted freaking out lol 🙂

  30. I like Jacob in his human form and his wolfy form. But I don’t prefer him to Edward. I’m Team Switzerland. Pahaha.

    E=Being addicted to Twilight is not good. I was sitting an English exam last week, and there was a character called Edward. I almost passed out. No kidding. And then the unseen poetry question involved something “glittering coldy”. I squeaked, yes squeaked in teh middle of and English exam. *Oh the shame* Not to mention the fact, the invigilator looked at me as if I were a crazy person and almost cancelled my paper for cheating.

    I don’t care. I love Twilight ^_^

  31. I just started reading your blog and I love it!
    Actually, something happened to me this week. We started working with Jesus Christ Superstar in English, and our teacher had a CD with songs. When she started it, the song was like almost the same as Spotlight in Twilight, so both me and my friend jsut stared at each other and started laughing so much so I cried. it was so funny and a bit embarrassing. I love it when things make me think of Twilight.

  32. I react strangely when i hear any twilighty word even though one half of my brain (a small part) goes ‘Mattie plz…this was a word long before twilight was written. plz take a deep breath and stop giggling at this’.
    Such as when my biology teacher mentioned Imprinting ( i got to admit that was one word i did think stephanie mayer had made up)
    The words ‘absurd’, ‘ridiculous’, ‘dazzle’.
    and i think i like jacob more in his wolf form…but jsut abit ( i like jacob alot actually…i’m still team edward though)

  33. Wow, I just had my first twlighty experience a few weeks ago. I was in school and my science teacher was asking questions for a test review. This one boy raised his hand to answer, but spoke so quietly that no one could hear him. My teacher kept trying to get him to speak louder but he just kept mumbling. Finally, she walked right up to his desk and said, “I’m sorry but I can’t read minds. Some peope can but I’m not that lucky.” My thoughts obviously flew to Edward and I started giggling when I pictured my science teacher reading twilight (I later realized that she may not have been kidding and actually believes that mindreaders walk among us) . I looked around to see every other person who read twilight was also laughing.
    It might not be as funny as it was to me (I think you would have to know my teacher to completely understand).

  34. Ome, I forgot to mention my two most recent signs of obsession. First, everyday I drive home the same way from school and in the same space is,I swear, Bella’s truck. It is exactly the same, rusty red paint job included. Also, today I was waiting to leave homeroom and I notice a VERY familiar ginormous black book. A new twilighter was about 3/4 done with breaking dawn. 🙂

  35. my name is Bella and people now do a double take when we are introduced; scary thing is (and I know everyone says it) but I am EXACTLY like bella

    I always smell good to everyone (sometimes I haven’t even showered and I get that comment)
    I faint at the SMELL of blood
    I am pale white and from Dallas AKA the southwest (like you Kaleb)
    I read like no one’s buisness
    I am an only child
    I’ve moved a bunch
    I miss the heat
    I think trees are gross and awful
    hate snow
    my mum and I are best friends
    I want to name my kids weird names

  36. i am pretty much team edward, but i dont utterly hate jacob. i like jacob’s wit and sarcastic remarks, but i do like when he is in his wolf form the most. as you said, he’s more genuine and warm becuase he is probably more comfortable that way. if he’s at ease, then everyone else can be too.

    everytime i see cullen blvd, i smile :] and today i just saw a plaque thing at the park with the “cullen family” donation thing. but it was a real family.

  37. i know this is old but i have to comment. first i love the note to self thing, its great. second, yes one time right after i read the books i saw a yellow porsche while driving to school and no lie i thought “alice?” like uh duh, no. she is a fictional character. lol i felt soo dumb.

  38. I'm team jacob and all but he gets on my nerves to the nth degree, it's like every thing's fine right now why must you ruin it boy! there's a sweetness and a kind of innocents to him when he's a wolf thats not there when he's human.

  39. Yes, I like Jacob in his wolf form better because he can't say anything like a dummy…..oversized dog with anger management issues.
    I am Team Edward if you haven't noticed.

    And yes, I always have Twi moments. My father owns a silver volvo and someone at my school is named Edward and every once in a while I see someone with a Porsche……..yeah……I wan't a porsche……so I can run Jacob over…..hehehe

  40. A) I prefer him as a wolf, he can´t open his big mouth
    B) As you when I studied mitosis in science I wrote in my book “EDWARD´S AND BELLA´S BILOGY CLASS!!!”
    Really pale people, a yellow Porshe, many things, I relate everything eith Twilight really…

  41. A) I prefer him as a wolf, he can´t open his big mouth
    B) As you when I studied mitosis in science I wrote in my book “EDWARD´S AND BELLA´S BILOGY CLASS!!!”
    Really pale people, a yellow Porshe, many things, I relate everything eith Twilight really…

  42. I like Jacob in his human form better because to me he seems sweeter when he's just with Bella and for the other question I've never actually seen a silver Vlovo.

  43. I feel a bit ashame as i am very close to becoming fifty, but whenever i see or read anything about the Twilight, i stop and take my time to read or explore whatever it is being written about them. I sometimes becomes so confrontational but friendly if i hear anyone bad mouthing the movie or any character in the story especially Edward and Bella.

  44. My friend and I almost got hit by a silver volvo, it was even the same model Edward has! We were so shocked that we stop right in the middle of the street to look at it.. 😀

  45. I too seem to have the uncanny ability to remember every insignificant detail of the Twilight series too and notice parallels around me ALL THE TIME! I was so engrossed in the books while I read them, and to add to that my emotions were running high while I read, such that my brain saved every detail to the hard drive. Why can't that happen for the IMPORTANT details in my life?! … Apparently I need to get out more.

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