(Posted by Kaleb Nation )

TwilightGuys Report: Twilight Gave Him The Answers

May 19th, 2008 at 4:00 am by Kaleb Nation


“Until very recently, I had not heard much about the
Twilight series. I did not know anything really about it. One day, approximately
a week ago, that all changed.
I was in choir class. Suddenly, a group of girls walked in (who were also in
zero-period choir) talking, giggling, and laughing hysterically, deep red
blushes painted across their cheeks. I was confused – these aren’t the giggly
types of girls. These are the girls that play Halo and have movie nights with
tons of pizza – pepperoni, sausage… point in case, they were tomboys. Tomboys,
as far as I know, are not the giggly types.

Anyway, so they walked in. Then I caught a word “Twilight”. More giggling.
Another word, “vampire”. More. “Sexy…sparkly…” and so on and so forth. I’m
sure you can empathize. The thing was, I had no idea what they were talking
about. Just then, the choir teacher walked in. Class began. I was saved.
And yet, I was curious.

In math, which was my first ‘official’ class of the day, I sat across from a
girl who was, not quite a friend, but a close acquaintance. After finishing the
‘Do Now’ placed on the board, I leaned across the aisle towards her.

“Hey,” I said, “I need help.”

“Yes?” She responded, being the sweet girl that she is. “What do you need?”

I recounted to her the tale of horror in my choir class. “They were all talking
about-” I groped for the name of the book “Sunset, about some guy that
Apparently this was the wrong thing to say. She stared at me, wide-eyed. Then
she burst into laughter.

“What?” I asked uncomfortably. “What’d I say?”
Still snickering, she replied, “It’s called Twilight, and it’s by Stephenie

Now, I may be exaggerating, but I don’t think so. I think that I felt the blood
literally drain from my face. This is reasonable, before you protest. Think of
it this way: All my girl friends are in love with this book, and my refuge – the
one. person I thought I’d be safe with – is, too!

“Oh, God,” I said. “Not you, too.”

“Yes, me too,” she stated evenly. “But it’s okay, but I can actually control the
This was good news. “Can you help me, then? With dealing with them?”
“Sure,” she said. I was relieved. “First of all, it’s Twilight. Always remember
that. NEVER get it wrong. Second, Stephenie Meyer wrote it. Always say her name
with reverence. Third, the guy who sparkles should from here on out never be
referred to as the guy that sparkles. His name is Edward Anthony Mason Cullen,
and he is a vampire…”

After a minute or so of this, I just shook my head. The information was too
much, and especially at one time. “I can’t do it,” I sighed. “Really. It’s

She frowned, a determined expression still on her face. “Fine,” she huffed. Then
her eyes brightened. “The only advice I have left is to give the books a chance.
Read them, and get some advice from Edward. Follow what he does – just don’t
suck blood. Because, if girl’s are so in love with him…”

“But how do I know what he does to make them so in love?” I was so confused.
“How do you interpret them? But wait…is this the key guys have been looking
for forever? Something that explains how to make them like you?”

She smirked. “Go to twilight guy dot com. You’ll find the answers there.” ”

Submitted by Greg

Posted in TwilightGuys Report

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47 Responses

  1. Ally

    Lol! That was funny. πŸ™‚

  2. Ashley

    Sunset! HA! *head desk* At least he’s giving it a shot. :p

  3. Freak

    Hee… go to twilight guy dot com… Well, he’s not afraid t take advice! πŸ™‚

  4. Laura

    the guy that sparkles! I will give you a clue: Edward is dazzling!(in many ways) that’s why all the girls love him!

  5. Eftsoones

    That was quite awesome. I loved how brave he was to talk with his friends. Truly a good story.

  6. Val

    The best advice was the last one xD

  7. McKenna

    That’s classic! Sunset?! That’s a crime! *gasps* Jk but that is a really awesome story.

  8. Mekara

    One of my guy friends finally read Twilight for a similar reason. He never understood what we girls (and a guy or two) were giggling about, he was left out…he now owns all her books πŸ™‚

  9. Danni

    haha classic!

    lol i think ANY guy having girl problems should read Twilight just to find out what type of guys we really like πŸ˜€

  10. M.A.Estman

    OMG! thats hilarious! Im glad he got some good advice…

  11. malaz

    LOL – that was halarious and so so so cute.

  12. lesley

    it was good and everything but i wanted to know what he thought of the book after reading it. is he obsessed too and stuff like that.

  13. Melonie

    That was the funniest one yet. Whoever wrote that has a great sense of humor. I love how the girl laid advice out for him so matter of factly. I think I might have to print this off and save it.

  14. inmortal

    HAHAHHA SUNSET AHAHHAHAHAHHHAH….. I bet Stephenie Meyer will choose that name for book 5 or 6 o_Γ³ and it’ll be written from Alices POV AHAHAH.. ok enough.

    Hilarious article!!

  15. Hope

    Hahaha! Sunset!

    Every guy should read Twilight so they’ll actually act like gentlemen (except you Kaleb, haha! I don’t think you’re the kind of person who likes to shove people into walls).

  16. Kamikaze_alice_cullen_lol

    Haha! I love the part where it says “the guy who sparkles should from here on out never be referred to as the guy that sparkles” I lmao! πŸ™‚ Happy reading all!
    ~Kamikaze_alice_cullen_lol is an inside joke between me myself and I!!

  17. Venice

    Sunset? Hah.
    I like this guy.
    More guys should be like Edward,
    not dressing up as a ‘vampire’.
    But to have some chivalry in you and
    actually think before you act.

  18. ashley

    Ok so i got The Host yesterday and i think im somewhere in the middle of chapter 16, but i would like to ask does it get better i mean its kinda depressing if you ask me!

    i just want to know will i end the book “disappointed”for lack of a better word. i know Stephenie would never let her readers down but i just have to know!!!!

  19. April

    That was cute…. I actually have a guy friend who has read the books and he is still way cool. And i love talking to him about it. Its something we both like. Oh… and ashley, THE HOST WAS GREAT! You definately won’t be dissappointed. I know i wasn’t!!! Enjoy reading it!!!

  20. summer

    haha…. sunset lol. that was so funny and so so cute. i wish i had a guy friend that had the guts to read the books but like i am the only person in my grade that knows about them except for my teacher πŸ™‚ lol

    Summer- 12

  21. Annie

    lol. Seriously, this book should be required reading for school. or at least for every guy on the planet. so many of them need to learn some manners….. Chivalry needs to make a comeback!

  22. Sara

    This is the funniest story of all.
    Twilight is taking over the world and soon all our boys will be more like Edward * dreams * πŸ˜€
    Thank you Stephenie and Twilight Boy! lol

  23. Marissa

    wow, I really wish a lot more guys were like him! He’s actually receptive to the idea of reading it! lol

  24. viviana


    “the guy who sparkles”


  25. maria

    ha i cant imagine any guy in my class being that interested in twilight

  26. Catherine

    This is the best TwilightGuys Report so far! LOL!

  27. Katie Beth

    No way! Those girls are US! I mean, ok, not literally (I don’t know that guy), but it describes us to a T.

  28. Mary

    That is too funny. At least the guy took her information. Lets hope that he takes the rest of her advice and reads the books.

    Good reading Kaleb!!

  29. Kim

    That guy should seriously think of writing as a future career aspiration. It was a cute little story, and reminded me a lot of my school.


  30. Kim

    Okay, that was awesome! Let that be a lesson to the guys of the world: Twilight has all the answers you need!

  31. Wish

    Haha, yes Twilight does hold all the answers for guys. I think my friends and I stated that infront of our french class one day and then our French teacher decided she must read it and agreed.

    Guy that sparkles. *Shakes head* Haha, at least he’s willing to read them!

  32. Kim

    Ahhh! I loved that story! I really hope he reads Twilight! I was giggling and smirking the whole time I read it, he was a very good writer. Well, all we can hope for now is another enlightened guy. They should just get rid of all the books about dating, and finding girls, and just hand out Twilight instead.

  33. Kim

    Sunset – well Edwards point of view for Twilight is called Midnight Sun. Just a funny coinsident!?!?!?

  34. Angelina


    “Guy that sparkles”

    I love it!

    Maybe he’ll take his friends advice and read the book…..

  35. April

    was it just me or did he spell
    “mason” wrong. Isn’t it
    supposed to be spelled with
    an “en” not “on”?
    Maybe im just going crazy!!??

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  37. unknown

    what a faker

  38. unknown


  39. unknown

    faker = this guy

  40. Vamp :}

    That was amazing. At least he got help. Curious though. Did he start reading after he came on here???

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  42. Debbie :D

    okay, I’m new here but, in the contest letter thing-y I found 13 mistakes from the letter (including the noob-ish text talk)
    *Random guy Waving shoe as song ends in the mosh pit*
    Brendon: Dude, is that a shoe?
    Dude: Yeah.
    Brendon: Is it your shoe?
    Dude: uhh, yeah.
    Brendon: Then why isn’t it on your foot?
    Dude: cuz I don’t have my cell phone
    Brendon: Oh. Okay. Whatever floats your boat.

  43. Brianna

    Greg that is the cutest story I have ever heard!!! WOW…I love the girls response to everything, espesially that stephenie meyer should be said with reverence. WOW good luck with your date to the dance! That is so romantic!!!

  44. Swifty

    Guy who sparkles.
    YOu talk about Twilight in front of girls and never again will you speak.
    Your awesome, though, dude.
    Nice sense of humor. =3

    Hey, I got something that’ll help you.
    December 30th:
    TWILIGHT, OFFICIAL FEILD GUIDE comes out. ^^ -fangirlish squeal-

  45. Nazneen

    HAHAH. I like the last response. Guys should definitely go to Twilight Guy dot com for MORE information ;D

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