A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Twilight: Chapter 6 (Scary Stories)

The song for this chapter is Maps Of The Problematique by Muse:


The Twilight Guy hath returned! I am very happy to say that I have dueled with the Flu and come out victorious. While I was sick, I kept myself alive with a regular dose of Stephenie youtube videos, as you can see from the last post. Really, she is AWESOME there on stage. I watch her and try to learn exactly how she handles it.

Yesterday, whilst recovering, I dropped in on some people in a few of the Twilight chatrooms I’ve been invited to. Intending to remain anonymous, some admin tore my mask off in mere seconds and exposed my identity, shortly after which I fled to grab some dinner and a breath of fresh air (chatrooms these days are warzones!). So if you were there and wondering if KN was really me or just an impostor, yes I was there. Next time I’ll go as Squidworms or something and see if you recognize me then. But anyhow, on to Chapter the Sixth!

I know Stephenie had fun writing this line: “The bouquets of brilliant anemones undulated ceaselessly in the invisible current…” There is a thing with writers that makes us love flowing sentences filled with big words we don’t get the chance to use in public. Words like ‘flourishing’ and ‘alabaster’ and ‘oscillococcinum’ .

A bit further on, suddenly there is YET ANOTHER guy who is showing interest in Bella. I’m losing count of her admirers. Then someone mentioned that his name is Jacob, and I went immediately alert, since this is a name that I have heard before, and just typing it is probably eliciting squeals in some people (yes, I know who you are because you told me you would).

The strongest line I have seen in this book so far came on page 121, and it’s when someone asks why the Cullens weren’t invited. A nameless person then speaks up and says:

“The Cullens don’t come here.”

Obviously, there is a very strong reason the Cullens don’t come around that part of town.

Them Cullens Ain’t Welcome Here

The reason I chose the song Maps Of The Problematique (besides that awesome Muse guitar intro) is because it sounds like it would perfectly start in the film when Jacob starts talking about why the Cullens can’t come near. It almost makes me think they are so much on edge, a war could break out any minute.

And Bella thinks a Suburban with nine people in it is stuffed!? She should try riding with nearly the same amount of people and a screaming little pig in the back, who constantly leaps out of his box and tries to hop over the seat. Not that it’s from personal experience or anything. No, that would make you people think I spent years of my teenage life as a backwoodsman, wouldn’t it? What hick lets a PIG named Mabelene ride in the back of the suburban?

Pig In A Suburban

What a laugh. Hilarious story in no way from personal experience (I’m expecting a scathing email from my dear mom any second now 😉 ).

Anyhow, this chapter, like many of you told me, is easily the one where the action really starts to crack open. Immediately, at the mention of werewolves and vampires and their conflict, this is deviating off the strict form of romance and into the world that Stephenie has so masterfully built. I’m always a sucker for a good story with supernatural happenings, but when you throw in the fact that the werewolves and the vampires don’t get along, and they’re living in the same area of the world, I begin to get excited. Onward through the book!

Oh, and I’m curious- striking Edward and Jacob out of your heads, which do you think is cooler– vampires or werewolves?


–For all you people who asked about my book, there’s a cool new teaser site for The Farfield Curse which I think turned out awesome. You can check it out over here. There’s a hidden page if you click around.

–I will most likely not be able to make the Frisco signing. But take a ton of pictures for me! I’ll hopefully get to meet Stephenie some other time in the future.

–The petition to get Stephenie on Oprah is past 2,000 people! Great work everyone! If you haven’t done it already, be sure to go sign your name to it!



163 Responses

  1. I am not sure which I think are cooler! It's a really hard decision: werewolves or vampires???? Well I suppose it kind of depends. If you had a class extra power as a vampire like mind-reading that would be cool1 But then again it would be really hard being a vampire and try to have a (somewhat) normal life. Like if you wanted to go to school you would have to master that massive impulse to get human blood and that would probably feel like torture, being around so much human blood and not being able to drink it. Another negative would be (well some might see it as a plus) living forever! Wouldn't your life just seem so dull and pointless. You are just living today to get to the next day! Nothing special waiting for you because you will never die! Whereas werewolves can start aging again. I know it would take DECADES of practice and self-control but at least you have the hope of getting back to normal and being able to die. Well I'm not sure which are cooler still, it will take a lot more time for me to figure it out!

  2. This chapter was class! You just know something really interesting and exiting is going to happen hearing about all the legends on the res. and 'THE CULLENS DON'T COME HERE'. Very interesting. You're right, it is cool to read all the big words. Authors really do have a great way with words! And -finally!- JACOB!!!

  3. But dont you think that its ironic that people are moreinterested in creepydisfunctional vampires than heavily muscled shapshifting werewolves!!!!!!!!!!

    P.S. And may i remind you that vampires are all over the world KILLING people, while werewolves are PROTECTING people from them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Werewolves aree much cooler!!! They don't have to stay a wolf the whole time and have some sort of life plus NO VOLTURI!!!

  5. Personally? Neither. I prefer Elves (Tolkien; Erestor, to be precise) and elves (Artemis Fowl, whence my rank cameth).

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