A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Twilight: Chapter 7 (Nightmare)

The song for this chapter is How Does It Feel by Avril Lavigne


So after many days of going to bed at 4 AM and waking up sometime around noon, the crazy schedule is finally starting to sink in on me. But bah to that! It’s summer break! I felt much relieved to find I had nothing to do today but a quick radio show, record some audio for my Youtube video, and read another part of Twilight. Hello chapter 7!

Bella’s computer modem hopped right out at me, since I have suffered through many a slow internet connection in my days. I remember back when we were in a rent house and had degraded from hi-speed to dial-up for ‘just a few months’ (or so they said). In the time it took to connect, I was able to take a shower, eat breakfast, clean the kitchen, and come up with advanced astrophysical theories to various unsolved questions of the universe before I could even see Yahoo.com appear. And once it was on, I might as well break for lunch if I wanted to click ‘Check Mail’. Bella’s computer seems to be no different.

Bella’s Computer

Bella’s Computer

While on the subject of Bella’s computer, I should note that she has a very bad virus. After all, simply leaving your screen for a few minutes should not create an army of popup ads. But then, when she did a search for ‘Vampire’ I realized how she got a virus. There are certain terms whose sites are more prone to carry viruses than others. And I’m sure Bella’s on some government list after looking that up. Besides her research finding mostly gibberish:

About this last there was only one brief sentence:

Stregoni benefici: an Italian vampire, said to be on the side of goodness, and a mortal enemy of all evil vampires.

But then I scrolled down, and saw another one below it.

Streganona Kalebici: a Texan local, presumed to be on the side of goodness, and a mortal enemy of all math professors.

“Drat,” I whispered aloud. “Wish I had one of those around.”

Bella’s dreams of Edward have gotten stranger, specifically because now Jacob is in them, when she has only really met him once before (even though she knew his sisters, it didn’t seem that she knew him all that well). Also, Dr. Cullen must be a major donor to that school, because his kids are overlooked despite being absent very often, or at least invisible.

Also, I found this line interesting, as I tried to imagine what television program Stephenie was thinking of when she wrote it:


I watched TV with Charlie after dinner, for something to do. There wasn’t anything on I wanted to watch, but he knew I didn’t like baseball, so he turned it to some mindless sitcom that neither of us enjoyed.

Forks Television


–I finally finished my Twilight Youtube video. I’m not exactly sure if people will think it’s funny or not, but I’ll post it up anyway soon and you people can tell me. If you’re itching to see it, keep an eye on my Youtube channel, because people there will see it a bit before I post it here.

–I finished my article on Stephenie, thanks to all your help! I will be passing it along to the site soon and linking to it from here when they post it.

–I will not be at the Frisco, TX, signing due to lack of vehicular transportation. Also, tickets are completely sold out, and the bookstore told me they are expecting a gymnasium-full. So show up early, tell her I wished I could be there, and if you get any video for a Youtube at the signing, send me the link so I can watch something while I’m knocking my head against the wall 😀 .

Added 12:56 PM : I realized that if I dash off to the airport this evening and watch all flights coming in from Houston, I might jolly well see her coming in. If she’s not in a business jet, that is. And if her staff can overlook that odd fellow hiding in the bushes.

Hiding for Stephenie Meyer



34 Responses

  1. who also drank really odd tea
    with vampire friends in his shack by the sea
    oh that old man and his sea

    if it makes you feel better, I’m not going to the signing that’s in LA or something..remotely close enough for a californian to drive to. Sure, tickets are mucho, but the gas prices these days sure put a damper on my twilight fantasy-fulfilling author-godship worshipping. :[

  2. Feel lucky to be able to even realize you’re quite near.

    Malaysia is too far to even consider coming.

  3. First, I would just like to complement you on your humour. I really enjoy reading your posts in the morning, say a Friday morning, to put me in a slightly better mood when I realise I haven’t finished the 50 math questions I was assigned the day before…Thank you, as you may have just saved me from having a small mental breakdown. : ) Also, I went to the website of your upcoming book and I must say that it sounds very interesting and creative. I can’t wait to read it!
    Keep Reading!
    ~ A.J.

  4. Wow, that tv show must be quite strange. Probably if Moby Dick was there, or the Loch Ness monster (or some other weird creature) Bella would love that sitcom.
    And I already like Streganona Kalebici.
    You’re brilliant.

  5. Sold out? Bummer. I was planning on going since I got back to Dallas today.

    Funny post as always! And, if you get to Eclipse, just wait till you see how the vampires in Texas are…

  6. Wait till Eclipse and you’ll see about those Southern Vamps…
    Of course there’s nothing wrong with Jazzy but still.

  7. I was going to mention the southern vampires in Eclipse but it seems a few people above already have lol

    I also wanted to go to a book signing near me but I’m to busy with things to even consider. Plus the driving I would have to do. *sigh* I have a diesel and that would be A LOT of money.

    Stupid diesel gas prices……

    Anyways I’m glad your enjoying the book and I have to say I check this site everyday to see what you think of it. I love the fun you put into it.

    2 1/2 hours left!!!

    life is grand!

  8. Ok so the computer pop up ads is easily explained. SM wrote Twilight in 2003 back when popup ad blockers weren’t as prevelent. But I like your virus theory better LOL!

    Go jump out of the bushes!! And if you don’t get arrested, get a good interview!!

  9. i just saw the you tube video with the dragons. i though it was hilarious! i love how there is the extra laugh track to give it the added…well, laughter! i adore your websites and videos. i have unfortunately devoured everything you have put out already, so now wait impatiently everyday for something new, no pressure though:) thats how i read books too. i read the first 3 twilight books in…well i would use hours instead of days to measure, i realize i should have just emailed this to you personally instead of leaving it as a comment, but i wanted it to connect to the you tube video. dragons, so funny, theyd be cute if they werent making fun of you.

  10. I was dying with the “Streganona Kalebici” thing hahaha
    I can’t go to the Frisco signing either…dang it! I’m going to LA in june so I hope she’s there for a signing!
    You are hilarious by the way =)

  11. LOL @ Bella’s computer having a virus! And I loved the pic of you hiding in the bushes hahaha HILARIOUS!

  12. Lol this site is hilarious!! i check it waaay to often hoping for a new chapter or post. its so interesting to see the things that guys notice from the chapter and all your lil pics and text ‘add ons’ are hilarious!!!

  13. Haha! You are so funny! I love reading your reviews to your chapters! They are great! Hope you get to chapter 8 soon!

  14. Yeah, I wanted to meet Stephenie today too (i live near Garland) but all the tickets sold out in like 3 hours.

  15. I see a few other people have commented on the southern vampires *shudder* But I agree that theres nothing wrong with Jasper xD

    Great review! Cant wait till the next one

  16. funny about the computer thing……. thats really the eniac, first american computer

  17. streganonna was like my favorite book when I was little. streganonna kalebici sounds like a vampire I would want to meet. I really like the picture of you hidding in the bushes and the one of Bella’s computer.

  18. I bet it’s torture having to read Twilight so slow and write a blog after each chapter! When I read Twilight for the first time I honestly wasn’t expecting much and intended to sit down and read for only about 10 minutes… 8 hours later I finished it and immediately drove to the bookstore to get New Moon and Eclipse! lol. Good luck reading like this when you get to the action chapters!

    Great blog and great video. Reading it makes me want to reread the books. Again. lol.

  19. Stregoni, from the Latin stem strig-. Guess what that means.
    (strix,-gis f.: vampire
    striga,-ae f.: vampire)

  20. actually.. i was tardy/absent quite a lot in high school but made average and above grades and i wasn’t even a vampire. my school had a policy and i was supposed to be suspended so many times but it never happened because i was a good student. only privilege they took away was Prom my senior year, but i didn’t care about that.

    so, the Cullens are really smart and i doubt they make trouble or else that would draw attention to them… so i think they more than make up for their absences academic-wise. so Carlisle can invest his $$$ to the really suspicious institutions, not the school.

  21. also… i think vampires have cooler powers than werewolves in general.

  22. I love strega nona. The italian witch who filled her house with spaghetti!!! I was read the book so many times when I was really little. Very brilliant. Sorry had to point it out.

  23. I love the picture of bella’s computer, because mine is about that slow.
    And second, Dr. Cullen isn’t a major donor, all the old office ladies are hot for him, 🙂 so they let it slide. But good guess.
    Good Luck stalking SMeyer. (and yes, i do realize that this was posted about a year ago, but humor me) I cant believe you’re stalking her, but simultaneously denying your twihard-ness.

  24. i just found out about this site yesterday and i LOVE your sense of humor. “come up with advanced astrophysical theories to various unsolved questions of the universe?” ROFL how do you think of that?

  25. I'd also absolutely love to meet Srephanie one day! Wouldn't that be class? I would read all the books very slowly with a notepad beside me so I could write down any questions I have about the books. Then I would go through loads of fansites and forums to see what other questions people have and see if there would be any answers to my questions. Then I would find out as much information as possible about Stephanie to see if I have any questions about her life. Then I would come up with questions about her dreams, ambitions and future goals! I would LOVE that!

  26. While I was trapped at my friend's house because of a blizard I pulled her into the world of both Twilightguy and Shiverguy. Whilst I was reading this chapter to her in a very hilarious (if poorly executed) British accent (because otherwise I very easily become bored), and once I had finished shouting about her computer modem at the top of my lungs she questioned how I had read the whole paragraph, in a loud and obnoxious British accent, without breathing. The following ensued:
    Her: “I don't know how you do that without breathing.” whilst laughing hysterically on floor.
    Me: “I don't.” more of her laughter ensued. And then she hurt herself, which explains why her nickname is Bella.

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