A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Eclipse: Chapter 1 (Ultimatum)

The song for this chapter is Writing To Reach You by Travis (suggested by Anita)


I felt absolutely stupid when I first started on Eclipse. I took the book off my shelf and immediately started to search for my bookmark (a slip of paper that coincidentally is also my grocery list). For some reason today, I simply could not find the blasted bookmark, and it wasn’t until I had flipped the book over and fanned all the pages for this piece of paper that I realized I didn’t even have a bookmark in this one yet, because I was just starting it.

It was the first mystery I have faced in reading Eclipse, and it wasn’t even in the book. What a wonderful start.

Because I am going straight from New Moon to Eclipse, I know all of the back story right off the top of my head. Jacob is still upset over Bella choosing Edward over him in the previous book. I decided also that as Jacob is obviously having troubles completing his thoughts, it was my duty to play mad-libs and finish his sentences for him:


I don’t know why you’re making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we’re in second grade — if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the carrier pigeons pecking at my window. You made the choice here, okay? You can’t have it both ways when Desperado Dave and his posse enlist you. What part of ‘mortal enemies’ is too complicated for you to understand in that crazy brain of yours? Look, I know I’m being a jerk, but there’s just no way around the fact that you’re now a highway bandit with a $10,000 reward on your head. We can’t be friends when you’re spending all your time with a bunch of cattle thieves, bank robbers and highwaymen.

It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don’t write anymore ransom notes to my father, or I’ll tell the sheriff where your hideout is.


Surely that was what Stephenie had intended Jacob to be writing.

Still, though, Jacob is obviously in turmoil. After all, Bella is strongly attached to Edward Cullen: a vampire, mortal enemies with Jacob because of his species. Think of it as if your best friend has fallen madly in love with the local axe-weilding crazy, no matter how much you try to convince him or her otherwise. This is basically what is going through Jacob’s mind, so I do have some understanding of why he is so much against Bella being with Edward.

I was taken aback by the primitivity of the Swan’s meals. Have they not heard of the greatest invention since sliced bread: microwave lasagna? It is a meal that no one can ever tire of, requires no stirring/pots/smoke, and is ready in 23.5 minutes. It is such the epitome of effortless cooking (aka most college meals) that thieves were obliged to remove boxes of it from my freezer sans permission (as everyone and their cousin has heard by now due to my endless ranting on the situation).

I loved how casual this sentence was:

Afternoons were the hardest part of my day. Ever since my former best friend (and werewolf), Jacob Black, had informed me about the motorcycle I’d been riding […]

Alternate version:

Afternoons were the hardest part of my day. Ever since my former best friend (and green singing frog), Kermit, had informed me that my fly-repellant was ruining his chances of decent dinners […]

I suppose after a while being around vampires and werewolves will become everyday to anyone. Bella has been through so many things in the past year that go deep into the supernatural, so I’m sure by now she is either wondering what will pop up out of the woods next (if I wrote the next book: gnomes) or if it is all a very large dream.

Having been to Juneau, Alaska, I was told multiples of times by local residents statements that confirm Bella’s claim of being overcast 321 days per year. I, however, visited the place on one of those glorious, rare times when the sun was shining o’er the sea with all its might, and caught views such as this and these. Even on those sunny days, you can see that it is properly enough overcast for a vampire to survive undiscovered. And besides that, humans can’t complain about those glorious views.

Though Bella’s grounding since the incidents in New Moon has finally been lifted, it is obvious that Charlie does not trust Edward as far as he can throw him. And I don’t exactly blame him: for Edward, Bella has thrown herself off cliffs, gone traipsing out of town on more than one occasion, and had hallucinations and nightmares on his accord. If I was Charlie Swan, I would be duly concerned.

But the fact is that in reading the book, we have the ability to get into Edward’s head, and we know that no matter how often it may seem that he is a threat to Bella, we know he wouldn’t ever let himself hurt her. This is insight Charlie does not have. This is also one of the biggest conflicts caused in Bella’s mind: for she truly wants to be friends with Jacob, but cannot keep him and Edward at the same time. Bella knows for sure that Edward will never hurt her, but Jacob does not; Bella also knows that Jacob will never hurt her, but Edward does not. It is like moving two positive ends of magnets closer — yes, they can be forced together, but they will always be pushing each other away.

So I see many troubled times ahead. Edward has decreed he will not let Bella see Jacob, fearing for her safety near a pack of werewolves lacking anger management. Bella has proclaimed she is going no matter what Edward says. The trouble between the true love and best friend has started yet again — and on top of that, there is a newborn vampire on the loose. Welcome to Forks.

Question for the comments: If you were Bella’s parent, would you think Edward was safer for her, or Jacob?


– I am now taking song suggestions for Eclipse! Send in your songs with the link in the sidebar (–>) or at this page.

– I am putting together features of Twilight-inspired bands. If you are a band who writes music for Twilight, please send me your info on this page.

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