A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Breaking Dawn: Chapter 6 (Distractions)

The song for this chapter is Sky Fell Over Me by Shiny Toy Guns


People have asked me if I’ve been living under a rock lately, because I didn’t post that newly-released photo of the Wolf Pack. Actually I got the photo, and I have not missed out on Twilight news. I purposely did not post the photo, reason being I didn’t want every time I come to my blog to immediately be exposed to far more… uh… Rustic Werewolf than I think any guy can tolerate. Apologies to the girls (as if you haven’t seen the photo everywhere else already).

However, not one to be left behind in the fansite news, I’ll proceed with posting it posthaste:

I'm so glad my roommates didn't catch me Photoshopping this...
Much better (I'm so glad my roommates didn't see me Photoshopping this...)

I’ve been warned about the fifth and sixth chapters of Breaking Dawn for quite some time. Actually, I haven’t been warned, I’ve been told things like ‘LULZ I can’t WAIT until you get to CHAPTAH FIVE!’. I don’t know what is more awkward: being one-half of a vampire/human honeymoon, or reading about it. As I read the previous chapter, I found myself waiting for that all-important moment when Stephenie writes






For some reason, that moment seemed very, very delayed. My AIM conversation with my friend as I read chapters 5 and 6 went something like this:

ME: UH…did that say ALL of Edward’s clothes were on the palm tree…?




At which point I really wanted to go read Mrs. Frisbee And The Rats Of NIMH instead.

However, I trekked on as usual — I mean come on, I’m reading a vampire romance novel, and I’ve survived thus far πŸ˜€ . Completely disregarding the awkwardness of carrying your new wife in one arm and a ton of luggage in the other, Edward has finally found a place on the planet where Bella might actually be safe from heartbroken werewolves, vengeful vampires and violent Volturi. It is quite a sad state of affairs when the only such place is on an island in the middle of nowhere off the coast of South America. If Bella ends up getting hurt here, good luck to Edward hiding her on the moon.

For some reason, I had not previously known of Edward’s ability to swim without the need for air. But then again, I suppose if you are an immortal creature, drowning wouldn’t affect you. In fact, Edward might be accomplishing this breathless feat by drowning repeatedly, but just not dying since he simply can’t. I mean, if you’re immortal, what is it like getting mortally wounded? Does it become just…wounded?

Like Bella, I shudder at the thought of Alice actually foreseeing this honeymoon. Seriously Alice: rude! I’m also curious about what the local villagers think of this strange house in the woods that is visited only on occasion. I mean, it is altogether odd that at some random time of the year, a strange pale man and a girl show up together out of nowhere, break headboards and tear apart pillows, and expect the local cleaning crew to tidy things up. Also, perhaps I am confused, but is the cleaning crew coming from a nearby place, or did Isle Esme come complete with its own set of villagers automatically trained in the arts of cleaning? If that’s the case, I might be interested in some island real estate…

At least it’s nice to see that Edward and Bella are having a decent time, in spite of their arguments and the mess they’re making. I have a feeling that these recurring dreams of this strange child won’t be disappearing anytime soon for Bella, either πŸ˜€

QUESTION FOR THE COMMENTS: What movie do you think Bella and Edward would enjoy watching the most together (and Twilight doesn’t count!)?


My brother Jaden announced last week that he will also be with me at Twicon 2009! Be sure to get your tickets early before they run out!

– Summer School In Forks is having a huge call for artwork for their convention! They’re not only looking for Twilight-related art, but anything that is literature or sci-fi related. Check out more info here (I’ll be there in a few months too!).

– I received a deluge of emails insisting I keep people updated on my book, though in deference to those who come here for Twilight only I’ll compromise and keep them short. Today, I just finished some awesome new Bran Hambric widgets, and loads of cool downloads you can use on your site! Check them out at BranFans.com.



122 Responses

    i loved your comments.
    First of all, the new picture is very nice. I like it. Especially that one guy in front… He looks vaguely familiar…
    The fade-to-black thing did actually happen, and I'm very glad it did, because if it hadn't, well, as you put it: AWKWARD.
    And then, HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN??? Twilight, Chapter 16: Carlisle, page 338, it very clearly states the whole conversation of how Carlisle swam the English channel to France, and how he didn't need to breathe, and then Edward made Bella be quiet, even though she wasn't and ended up saying stuff like “how long can you go without breathing?” and “you don't have to breathe?” and then Edward did his whole thing with him afraid of her running away, blah, blah, blah. It was a very memerable part, which later led us to his bedroom. Which was another memerable part. Without a bed. Hee hee.
    And I thought about what would have happened if Alice had been spying on their honeymoon, and then I got really embarassed about it, because I thought about how I'd feeli if someone had spied on MY honeymoon, and then just put the thought out of my head.
    And, somewhere in that book it does mention the cleaning crew coming on a boat. I remember.
    I also remember the movie being a musical, and all I could imagine was Oklahoma or Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. But every once in a while I would see them watching Gone With the Wind. Not exactly sure why, though….
    And FYI, the AWKWARD-ness has just barely even started.

  2. I would've thought that you spotted that little info about vampires not needing to breathe back in Twilight or maybe you've just forgotten? I think Isle Esme is a deserted island and the cleaning crew came in a boat (as far as I can remember, I haven't re-read breaking dawn since I finished reading it the first time).

    I think “The Notebook” would be the kind of movie that Bella and Edward would enjoy watching together. Keep the dream in mind! Since we all know that Bella's dreams usually means something important. Now that we're past the introduction of the story, get ready for the craziness to start!

  3. haha i luv this website!! anyway i think they should watch some vampire mvie like interview with a vampire and laugh about how far off it is from what edward is…..

  4. I think they should watch Underworld. I mean you got the whole vampire/human lovestory with werewolves.

  5. first of all, I think they'd probably enjoy a romance together (it's their honeymoon after all) like “Ever After” or maybe “The Princess Bride” (these ideas stem mostly from my own meager dvd collection, they may not actully enjoy the princess bride. it's a bit cheesy, but I loves it XD)

    Secondly how did you not know that vampires don't need to breathe? It was first brought up in Twilight. I even know the chapter. (16. Carlisle) when Edward was telling Bella how Carlisle swam to france and she was like “He swam to france?” and then Edward said swimming was easy because “technically we don't need to breathe” and Bella was all ZOMG WHAT!?! (I may have paraphrased a bit) but still, kinda hard to miss.

    then again I guess I shouldn't be pointing fingers. The first time I read twilight I didn't catch that Billy was in a wheel chair. (though I picked up on it in New Moon)

    Anyway, HOOAH for rambling posts!!!

  6. ……. you. are. amazing. hahaha.

    ummm movie….. hmm a classic. i doubt edward would watch, he did watch bella instead of the movie in new moon… so maybe a movie set in a different time? like Jane Austen… or a war movie… i'd ask edward how it was during that time.

    and Kaleb, I forgive you for leaving this blog a little. Bran deserves your attention like a child demands if his dad, lol. I cant wait for your book to come out!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! πŸ™‚

  7. I don't watch a lot of movies.
    But I'd say something comedic. I mean, who would want to watch a fluffy romance after…uh…the screen went blank?
    Now that the majority of the awkwardness is over (I use the term 'majority' loosely; there's still quite a bit of awkwardness left), I'm anxious to see you thoughts on the rest of book. Your thoughts shall be interesting, indeed.

  8. You know what I love?

    I love it that Kaleb uses the same picture when he photshops things.

    HAHAHAHA I just think its funny!

    And don't forget the unforgetable eyebrows!! HAhaha πŸ™‚

  9. Bella and Edward should watch TRANSFORMERS!
    Its one of the best movies πŸ™‚


    PS: Kaleb, you are amazing!!! You are one of the luckiest guys around. To meet Stephenie? Wow… thats .. wow. lol. and the cast of the Twi movie!!! Thats.. … haha. theres no words. lol. But seriously, you are cool πŸ™‚

    Keep up the wonderful work πŸ™‚

    PPS: Your book, Bran Hambric, looks so interesting! I cant wait till it comes out. 9/9/9 =) Looks awesome as!!!!!!

  10. Just putting this out there. You said something about missing the fact that Edward doesn't need to breathe. It's somewhere in Twilight. I'm just not sure where πŸ™‚

    Hmmm. A movie for them. Probably something Bella would pick out because I can't see Edward seriously watching a movie. They did watch Romeo and Juliet in New Moon. So I guess something of that sort.

  11. You know, I think that they would like Eight Legged Freaks(an action, adventure, horror), Tommy Boy(one of the world's funniest movies), or I Am Legend(it would make Edward feel better : -)= )

    Emmett Out PEACE

  12. BAMBI!!!


    often when I am watching a movie the thought crosses my mind, “At some point, the Cullens have watched this movie. Just to waste a few hours.”

    I think Wall-E, cause it is the cutest romance movie ever!

  13. Well since several people have already stated that you completely missed Edward saying he didnt have to breath in twilight I thought Id mention that the Cullens and Edward are all mentioned to stop breathing several other times in the series, I only mention this because its relevant to the rest of the book… or a bit of the book anyway.

    Anyway, I also wanted to point out that my understanding of the cleanup crew was that because this place was a gift for Esme from Carlisle they hire locals to come in every few weeks to keep the place up for them, dust a little, that sort of thing, but hey I could be wrong, that was just always what I thought.

    And if Edward and Bella were to watch a movie together…huh well there would be several things they could watch, Romeo and Juliet, Pride and Prejudice, the Notebook, older films Edward's seen he thinks Bella might like…there are limitless possibilities-well I couldnt see Edward busting out to get the new Superman but, you know, there are some things….

    πŸ˜€ melissaturkey

    ps I know you've been spoiled of the “surprise” of the next chapter but I still cant wait to hear your reaction to Edward's reaction. πŸ˜€ hurry up and read the next chapter!

  14. x-men!!!! edward's like xavier and bella's like his lilandra. don't know if i've made a correct comparison. i've always thought lilandra was a cool character.

    i kind of feel sorry for alice if she had in fact foresaw everything. *gasp*. thank goodness we got the black out version. hahaha.

    so yeah, nothing else to say right now. can't wait to read your next post.

  15. I so can't wait for you to get to the next chapters. I can't wait for your blogs then. You know what I don't understand? people have actually complained about the lack of detail concerning uh their honeymoon activities. This is a teen romance for ALL ages. ick. Heck I am nearly 27 and I am happy for the fade to black. The less I know the better. I say no details in real life and that's how I like it in my books as well. *cover the eyes* and *plug my ears*. As far as the movie goes… I don't know. I think anything that DOESN'T relate to their life. I mean Romeo and Juliet might just remind them of how one of them was nearly suicidal because he thought she was dead. Which was the exact thing in Romeo and Juliet, except Juliet didn't wake up in time to save her Romeo like Bella. But too close to home. Though I'd say they should watch a good vampire movie. So that Edward could get a good laugh at the myths. Anne Rice certainly sticks to the non sparkly, sun killing, non vegetarian kind of vampire. If per say Edward is supposed to portray a “real vampire” as stated in the first book and all those myths are just that, then a vampire movie would be a comedy for him. Would it not? Either a vampire movie or Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. Because it's something that doesn't relate to their life. No wolves, no vampires, and it's funny and romantic. Well it does have a wedding actually 3 or 4 weddings to be exact, but it doesn't really relate to Bella because it's called the Runaway bride. Which means Julia clearly has a wedding issue. And no I am not spoiling the movie for those that haven't seen it because it says it ALL in the title.

  16. Oh no! One of the werewolves looks like my English teacher! *buries face in hands* Thanks for photoshopping his face away and putting a shirt on him. I don't know how I'm going to get through the New Moon movie.

  17. Kaleb, may I ask? How did you not know Edward didn't have to breathe? It was very specifically mentioned in Twilight, how do you just forget these things? Maybe you just take too long to read them so you forget things lol… Or maybe I'm just an obsessed freak who remembers little details :-).

  18. Yeah this chapter was awesome
    Bella and Edward got the perfect honey moon and that Alice thing is funny LOL

    I just saw the movie Stardust and I think it would be a good movie for Bella and Edward to enjoy πŸ™‚

  19. Yay glad you commented about this! I felt akward reading this, i can only imagen how you felt lol I think they would watch La Vie En Rose or Pans Laybrith or something like that!

  20. I had a feeling that you would feel 'awkward' at this point of the book. It's not over – but not for the same reasons.

    And who needs movies on a honeymoon?? Edward would only watch Bella, anyway.

    I'm really excited for you to read the next chapter!!! I really hope you'll have a great blog about it!

  21. i like your version of the Wolf Pack photo better XD
    and kudos to all who mentioned Harry Potter. yes, everyone should watch/read HP. seriously. are you a fan, Kaleb? πŸ˜€
    i think Bella would watch Pride and Prejudice or something similar..'cause she's a fan of classics and all. Edward, based on what happened in New Moon (when they were watching Romeo and Juliet), would most probably watch Bella instead of the movie.
    lmao, something 'Unexpected' is seriously going to happen next.

  22. yay! you actually wrote a post for this chapter haha jk
    omg i loooved your version of the wolf pack…hahahahah made me crack up
    i'm glad you commented A LITTLE bit about the previous chapter in this post !!!
    and i agree with everyone else…you're not going to want to post very much for the next chapter eitherrrr hah ;D

    about the movie. i think they will be watching something classic like titanic or pride and prejudice, but i don't think they wiould be watching it all that much πŸ˜‰

  23. OK. It is mentioned in Twilight that vampires don't need to breathe. It was when Bella was visiting the Cullens' and Edward was telling her Carlisle's history. Apparently, he swam the Channel from England to France, and he mentioned that breathing is not necessary for vampires. Pay attention!

    I don't think there is such a thing as mortally wounded for a vampire. It's either wounded or dead.

    I must admit the fade to black came much later than I expected as well. Every time I see the quote on the back of the book, it looks so innocent, but if you know they're both butt naked in the ocean at the time….

    Oh, and I think it mentions that the cleaning crew is from Brazil. They don't live on the island. And yes, they are a bit suspicious.

    Movies… they would probably watch some really obscure foreign films, or maybe the film versions of Shakespeare plays. And the film versions of Bella's favorite classic literature (I'm sure Bella loves the 6-hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.)

  24. They should watch Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire.

    Bella: Hey, that Cedric guy looks a lot like you…
    Edward: *looks at Cedric for a moment* I don't see it.

  25. Theres One thing That Realy BugsMe About Ilse Esme…
    If Your Buying An island, You Go Up To The….. Island Selling Place, And Say,
    “Hey Is This Island Avalable?”
    “No It Belongs A Cullen, Come Bck In 50 Years.”
    And the Owner Of The Island Is Always The Same, Isnt That Abit Werid ;SSS

  26. Kaleb, you crack me up. I loved the sensitivity Stephenie used in the honeymoon scene. I didn't want explicit but I did want romantic and I thought she gave it just the right touch. But, having been married for 11 years at one point in time in my life I can only crack up at the thought of waking up with feathers everywhere. I still get a silly smile whenever I think about it.

  27. Kaleb this post was hilarious as always. The picture is priceless lol….I laughed so hard. Yea like everyone said….it was mentioned in Twilight when Edward was telling Carlisle's story….but that thing about drowning over and over cracked me up….you are so silly lol.

    I think they could have watched 3 Weddings and a Funeral, Bridget Jones Diary 1 & 2 and The Notebook so Bella could cry some more!

  28. hahaha. love your posts as ALWAYS!! soo funny : )
    i love your version of the wolf picture!! haha. thats great!
    wow!!!!! that would be really weird if alice saw what they were doin on the honeymoon. hahaha. AWKWARD!!!

    as for the movie, i would say they would watch the pride and prejudice or the notebook cuz bella likes those kinds of books. haha i loooove those movies πŸ™‚

  29. what about Titanic! it has that forbidden love thing in it that they can relate to. I know what TV series they might like… SUPERNATURAL. πŸ˜€

  30. OMG! I love Mrs. Frisbee And The Rats Of NIMH! I also used to watch the movie they made of it (The Secret of NIHM)..love that too!!

    VERY AKWARD chapters. It's a good thing you made it out alive.


  31. Yeah, Edward doesn't need to breathe ( like 100+ people would've already said).

    Awkward, definitely.
    Movie? Hmmm..Titanic or some other romance stuff.

  32. it would be blade because edward would get a laught out of what they thought vampires are like

  33. Well, I usually don't write comments here, though I do read everything everyday (actually, many times a day), but as we're dealing with the Brazilian portion of the book, I felt personally affected by your post on chapters 5 and 6. Not in a bad way, I should say, just a little… hum… frustrated… I do respect your work and POVs and think you've contributed a great deal in opening people's minds to Twilight, especially men's, breaking the ridiculous stereotype and prejudice regarding Twilight readers and fans. I consider you a very intelligent person, quick-witted and funny but respectful in the way you approach some topics, and so I have absolutely nothing negative to say about you and your work. The kind of disappointment I felt with this post is due to the way Brazil seems to be regarded here: a lost place in the middle of nowhere, so far and hidden that even centuries-old evil creatures don't acknowledge its existence. I sincerely believe you did not mean any disrespect to Brazil or Brazilians, but I felt like I needed to come here and clarify some things.
    Although Isle Esme doesn't really exist, it's “located” just 30 minutes away from Rio de Janeiro, the second biggest city in Brazil, the 3rd biggest in South America, the 23rd biggest in the world. So I would not say Edward got Bella to a place “in the middle of nowhere”, such a lost place that no evil creature would be able to reach, so far away that if she got hurt she would probably die for lack of access to medical service.
    Another thing that bothered me a little was the “where does the cleaning crew come from?” part. They come from the city. Actually, there are hundreds of islands just like Isle Esme around the Brazilian coast and people often come and go, staff included, from town to islands. People who work in those islands are usually not “villagers automatically trained in the arts of cleaning”, but inhabitants of the cities nearby and/or people hired and brought to the place by specialized companies.
    As for Edward and Bella coming to the island, there is nothing awkward about it. These islands around our coast are expected to be empty for long periods of time and visited only during tourism season (summer) and/or once in a blue moon by their owners and guests, in the case of the private ones. Nobody would be really surprised to have visitors to Isle Esme or that these visitors are pale or singularly-looking, since most of tourists who come to these islands are foreigners and have a much paler skin and look a lot different from us.
    I really believe you did not mean to disrespect or underestimate us or our country at all, I truly do. And I don’t mean to be picky or obnoxious. I just felt I should say something, as people from other countries tend to have a prejudiced view of South America. And since your website is world widely visited and may be a reference to a lot of people, especially young ones, I think it’s good to clear the air about possible misunderstandings.
    I wish you all the best in your career and hope we’ll hear a lot from the great books you’ll come up with in a near future. Count on at least one Brazilian reader!

  34. Isle Esme is totally empty except for Edward and Bella and the occasional cleaning crew,

    … I think they would watch Pride and Prejudice or something like that. After all, the book inspired Twilight, according to SM, and they already seen Romeo and Juliet together.

  35. haha..that part was awkward
    I think they should watch sleepless in Seattle!( I say sleepless in forks! hehe)
    No just kidding I think they would like watching pride and prejudice
    or some very romantic love story!

  36. i would say the notebook for bella and Edward and another one for bella and edward would be loves abiding journey whole series of them and Australia with hugh jackmen it so romantic

  37. It is so funny what you said about carrying Bella and the luggage. I had no idea what he was doing and felt like I needed to know for fanfiction I was writing (which I have put aside), and I made my 10 year old daughter try out different carrying positions with me. In the end we decided he carried her in a normal carry pose, with her arms around his neck and let's say his left arm under her knees, and then his right arm/hand were free to pick up the luggage.

  38. If I had to pick a movie for them to watch, I'd say either the Sound of Music, Princess Bride or maybe even some feel good Disney film, like the Little Mermaid or Lady and the Tramp.

    I hate to admit but your reviews are the only way I'm gonna know what happens at the end. I never finished the book. Kinda fell out of favor with me. But I still kinda want to know what happened, so post away, Kaleb! ^_^

  39. probably por- err, i mean adult videos.
    They have sex like 50times (exaggeration of course) during Breaking Dawn.
    Lol, but seriously I think they would like movies like either really old movies (for Edward of course) or lovey-dobbey romance movies.

  40. I must say, my husband and I totally love your version of the photo of the wolf pack! Thank you!!!

    As for movies for Edward and Bella? Edward's not really into the books she reads over and over, so Pride and Prejudice are out, as well as pretty much anything else Jane Austen. I think they would both cry through the entirety of PS I Love You, since they've both dealt with being without the other. I would say that one. Of course, that's on the romantic side. Edward does like fast cars… Pointless guy movies with fast cars would include all of the Fast and the Furious movies, as well as all three of the Transporter movies. And since they are both so self sacrificing they would probably watch plenty of pointless guy movies as well as a plethora of sappy romantic movies.

  41. hello people!!! im a poll dancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its good to meatch yall!! u remember shaneequa? shes a good friend of mine!!! I LIKE BROWNIES!!!!!!!!!! AND PUPPIES!!!
    i think they would like to watch beverly hills chihauhau!! ooo look there is an ad for a quiz!! HOT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! no that wasnt the quiz the quiz is team eddie ur mom or team jackie ur face. I JACKED UR FACE!!!!!!!!!!
    there is an apple next to my face!!!!!! omg someone just jumped over a chair!!!! AMAZING!!!!
    someone put glue on my poll this morning
    charlie the unicorn likes brownie polls!!!!!!

  42. Heyy Kaleb. Yeah, I caught that palm tree thing on an AIM window with my friend, she didn't think he did. I guess she misread. But this blog contains all the EVIDENCE here (: . Thanks. I'm not really sure what movie they would be watching…I think they defined it as a musical & romance? Maybe “West Side Story”? Ha, yes..before Twilight even came out, my top plan was to get a private island.

  43. Probably porn. Or they could make their own sex tape and watch that πŸ˜‰

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