(Posted by Kaleb Nation )

Reading Breaking Dawn: Chapter 33 (Forgery) and Chapter 34 (Declared)

August 26th, 2009 at 12:05 am by Kaleb Nation

The song for this chapter is The Christmas Song by Owl City


In keeping with my goal of finishing Breaking Dawn before my California move on August 31, I’ve really got to step up my reading! I write this post after downing another condensed bottle of Red Bull’s more potent ingredients (yes, they do make condensed versions of Red Bull, and it tastes like liquid bubblegum…BUT IT IS WORTH IT BECAUSE IT IS HELPING ME STAY AWAKE) and after packing up the last of my house boxes. One such box is labeled “Random Things” which contains items including but not limited to:

– A bottle of chewable zinc throat lozenges,

– A 12+ foot long receipt from the library years ago, listing over 100 books we carted out one week,

– Some random silverware in a bag,



I emptied my bookshelves already, into their own box. Now, the only book left is Breaking Dawn, as I am obviously in need of it to write my posts! Onwards to Chapters 33 and 34!

Charlie must be the most disinterested and non-curious person in the world not to wonder what the heck is going on here. Honestly, if he’s caught on in the slightest that there’s some strange attraction between Jacob and Renesmee, his papa bear klaxons should be going off big time. He sure is trusting of his daughter and her new husband to just let all these strange things slide, especially being a police officer and all.

Stefen and Vladimir are quite curious specimens in my opinion. They sound a little bit nutty actually. I mean, according to them, they basically sat in their castle for a ‘very long time’ (a long time for vampires, I assume, is at least a century or two), pondering the mysteries of the universe until the Volturi destroyed their fortress.


I can just imagine little Renesmee laughing uproariously when they tell her they’re going to gouge the Volturi’s eyes from their sockets. I’m sure it is a very amusing image, now that I picture them as The Count’s clones.

I can’t help but having this strange feeling of adventure when Bella journeys into the more unkempt parts of the city. It’s one of those places that I feel we’ve been kept from for all the books so far, and reminds me instantly of that creepy alley back in Twilight, when Edward had to come to Bella’s rescue from the creeps. Is this some sort of underground vampire Mafia that Alice has sent Bella to ask help from, to get fake ID’s to help them move about freely? Obviously, Mr. J Jenks doesn’t usually deal with the most respectable of people.

“At this point, I was ready for almost anything — some kind of James Bond villain’s high-tech lair seemed appropriate.”

Bella is obviously thinking a lot like me by now. And the Jacob Wolfe code name is simply epic.

I think that the Christmas with the Cullens and everyone else is actually one of the more tender moments in this book. I can’t imagine what it would be like, knowing that you might possibly die within the next few months, and yet still go on celebrating the holiday as best you can with your family and friends.

“Did we play our parts well enough? Would a stranger have thought us a happy circle of friends, enjoying the holiday with casual cheer?” pg. 653

Is Christmas the calm before the storm that is coming to wipe them all away? I would like to think that Jacob and Renesmee won’t be celebrating it alone next year. I think the holiday is somewhat bittersweet for all of them, because nobody really knows what is going to happen.


– I fly out for California tomorrow! Not sure how much internet access I will have but I’ll be on Twitter with any updates from the trip!

Posted in Breaking Dawn

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43 Responses

  1. just another comment

    You are HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! Lovely story and good luck with your tabloid magazine (ha ha)!!!

  2. Eternity_with_Edward

    I would put that auto-delete filter on your email. Forget about the story being ludacris, how would you know if Kristen is pregnant? Are you her OB-GYN?……..geez.

  3. mashka

    thats all i can say!

  4. babybott330

    Told you, it's Peter having Kellan's baby. Get your facts straight before you go around spreading your propaganda. πŸ˜‰

  5. Rachel

    Aw shucks, does this mean Rob isn't a vampire after all?!?! O_O

    Thanks for making me laugh. XDD

  6. venusaholic

    Go Kaleb Go!
    your tabloid's gonna ROCKS!!!!

    so much laughs….lol~


  7. Brogan

    Hahahahaha! I saw that magazine in Pak N Save on Saturday! It always has “Bump Watch” stories in it! They've had a “Bump Watch” on just about every famous female in the world!

  8. Amanda Beth

    Kaleb truly cracks me up. I needed that this morning.

  9. Erinn

    You're all confused Kaleb, Billy Burke admitted on his Twitter that Rob is pregnant with his child!

  10. wheresedward

    Kaleb is in fact correct. Not only was Rob pregnant with Kristen's baby, but he gave birth to it shortly after midnight this morning. We have images to confirm it! http://www.whereisedwardcullen.com/robert-patti

  11. Lariza Navarro

    you're awesome Kaleb, you always make me laugh

  12. Amanda

    Oh, Kaleb, Kaleb, Kaleb!

    Don't you know that it's Jackson who's pregnant with Kellan's baby???!!! LOL

    Nahhh I loved the touch of Rob sayin' “I'm gonna be havin' Kristen's baby!”

    Very nice, very nice! Can't wait to see more heavy sarcasm alerts haha!

  13. Lexi

    sooo funny kaleb!!! whenever i need a good laugh i come here!!!! lol XD these rumors are crazy!!!

  14. Kristen19

    Go Kaleb!

    I've been waiting forever for someone to say that this magazine was completely unknown before this.

    And what I'm confused about is how they managed to sleep together when they are on opposite sides of the country…..Hmmm. The tabliods will figure something out. =D

    Not to mention that she was in super tight leather pants when they took the picture.

    Poor Kristen…….I personally would of killed somebody by now…..

    Your rock, Kaleb. =D That was hilarious.

  15. Sam_J

    LOL you are right, Kaleb. People always believe all this stuff they see in magazines and stuff, but it is usually just a bunch of made up stuff. I always feel sorry for those guys, can't a person get some privacy EVER?

  16. MFuentes

    Great, great, great and funny post! Well done!

  17. Yoko

    Oh gosh, Kaleb! I love you!!! Hahahaha……

  18. Icy Topaz

    I always knew he was a slut. Shoulda kept his legs closed!

    *rolls eyes*

  19. Victoria

    Haha, I just love your videos! This was really great! Keep it going! πŸ˜‰

  20. janehumen

    The picture of her supposed “baby bump” was obviously photoshopped. xD
    I was laughing/smiling the entire time I watched this video.
    Can't believe everything you read on TEH INTERNETZ, obviously.

  21. Rachel

    Haha that was funni but seriously Kaleb u cud of spent the time u made making that video to read the next chapter of BD hurry up!!! I started readin BD last week and ive alredi read more than u im on chapter 23 of Bella's second book! Get a move on!!!!!!!

  22. lostinmusic89


    If I could give it 10 stars I would.

    My friend did believe those crap rumors. I had her over for the MTV Movie Awards and I was complaining about OK magazine publishing every issue some new crazy rumor about Rob and Kristen's secret love life. She said, “Oh yeah, my aunt said she saw a video of them two kissing on set. I know they are secretly dating.” o_0 I seriously almost slapped her. I went into a tirade about the video of them FILMING in ITALY where, yes, they had a kissing SCENE. She argued with me saying it was real, then the next time I saw her she was making fun of the tabloids, too. Weird girl.

  23. Jane_doe

    Oh, I love you right now!!! I hate those dang tabloids. Who in their right mind would believe such ludicrously! She has been with her boyfriend for how many years??? It angers me that people would think of her as unfaithful just because of the chemistry on set between her and Rob. UGH! But really this is one of my most favorite videos! Top five!

  24. kgil1978

    That was ridiculously funny! You've done it again Kaleb. My daughter who's nine keeps asking me to replay it over and over. To Funny!!!

  25. samanata

    letters to twilight has a hilarious report on it from last week with a bunch of twilight bloggers too: http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com/2009/07/

  26. Jenny

    lol This is your best funniest awesomest coolest wildest video yet! =D
    Good luck on your tabloid!

  27. ChelseaLee

    Absolute hilarium. Yep. Made my own word.

  28. AmyLeem


  29. Alexandriad

    Tyat was so funny! This video was the best you ever made!

  30. allisonavest

    That was freakin' awesome. Thanks for brightening my day!!!

  31. Kaitlyn



  32. bonniebythepeak

    Oh, Kaleb. So much laughing. Ahhh. I'm going to recommend the Kaleb Nation Laugh-The-Weight-Away Diet Plan. Cute and funny. Thanks!

  33. lucyk

    its an australian tabloid, so therefore i guess it is unknown to americans but its one of the main ones here… i think it got the most publicity for outing where prince harry (or his brother, dont know the name) was in the army and got into heaps of trouble πŸ™‚ yea its a trooper… but i bet you it sold a lot of copies

  34. ForTheLove

    Aww I forgot about Stefen and Vladimir in BD. I haven't read it in a year. They cracked me up a ton!

  35. tarsha8nz

    Okaaay. Some comments here that are obviously not supposed to be. LOL

    First, apologies for any typos etc. I just pulled an early morning to finish an essay for Uni.

    I love the Romanians. I can definitely understand Bella wanting to keep Renesme away from them.

    J Jenks is also worth waiting for. Poor poor man. LOL.

    Finally, I loved the Christmas presents for Renesme. A Quiluete promise bracelet/ring. How infuriating. I also thought it was very strange that Charlie doesn't seem to notice that Jacob seems to be obsessed with his grand daughter. But then again, when Jacob kissed Bella, without her permission, and she punched him Charlie was supportive of JACOB!!

  36. Twilight Jewelry

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  37. babybott330

    Okay, I guess I'll go ahead and post. Odd that the comments are still acting up. Won't put too much into this, since I expect it will end up deleted soon. LOL
    Charlie seems to have shut down, to a degree. “Don't ask, don't tell, just pretend like everything is fine, and maybe I'll make it through this without suffering a heart attack. Jake didn't really turn into a wolf in front of me, right? Right, that was a dream.”
    Not to mention, the brand new fishing gizmo was a great distraction.
    I'm ready at this point for the book to move forward. I remember the first time I read it. I was confused about Alice leaving, a wreck with thoughts of Bella and Edward dying, and Jake and Renesmee on the run. I couldn't stop thinking about who would die in the end. I missed a lot of smaller details the first time around. I do laugh at how afraid of Jasper Jenks seems to be. Jasper just doesn't seem so scary, LOL.

  38. idanceandrun

    OMG Kaleb you crack me up! I literally laugh out loud like I'm crazy or something. I've read all your older posts: you reading Twilight, New, Moon, and Eclipse. So now that you're going to finish Breaking Dawn, are you going to leave twilightguy.com and just blog on your other website? What's next?

  39. Twilight Slovenia » Somračne novice

    […] Guy je prebral Ε‘tiri nova poglavja knjige Breaking Dawn: 31. (Talented) in 32. (Company) poglavje 33. (Forgery) in 34. (Declared) poglavje […]

  40. Justine Lark

    My friend TheSingingGirl wrote an awesome fanfic called Renesmee's First Christmas, which is about exactly what you said, celebrating in the shadow of impending doom. It's written from Renesmee's POV and it's really great. You can read it here:


  41. Kiddo Athravan

    Im using twitter πŸ˜€
    Thanks for the good farewell..post. XD It has been good times reading your blogs πŸ™‚

  42. Kiddo Athravan

    Im using twitter πŸ˜€
    Thanks for the good farewell..post. XD It has been good times reading your blogs πŸ™‚

  43. Aussiespirit

    I have a daughter just about a year old, and when I read this chapter when Bella goes into the unknown and realizes she needs to get travel documents to send her beloved baby away, it was heartwrenching! I couldn't continue reading cause of all the tears. I could SO easily put myself into her shoes and feel how heard it would be, but also knowing when she knew – I would know that it would be the only choice. Luckily “Nessie” has Jacob – but just the thought of it touched me so much. And I also felt the complete hopelessness of the entire situation – Alice was gone (at no time did I think she would return until she finally did – cause she could see the future and she wouldn't leave them if she had a choice!?), the volturri were coming, she NEEDED to save her baby….. I hope this part of the book will be just as much of an emotional rollercoaster on the big screen, as it was in the book!

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