A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Twilight: Chapter 4 (Invitations)

The song for this chapter is Things I’ll Never Say by Avril Lavigne:


After being told that I absolutely had to watch School Of Rock because it had the all-too-Nation-relation-looking Jack Black in it, I faced a dilemma: Watch the very guy-movie School of Rock? Or read the next chapter of Twilight?

Twilighters Punish Me For Even Thinking Of Not Reading Twilight

Pardon Me While I Get Thrown To The Lions

“Fool!” you scream. “To the lions with him for even considering such an outrage!”

It really wasn’t that hard of a choice, when you take into consideration that after such a painstakingly long time to get back to the book, I am super-eager to find out what happens next. So, I tossed aside School Of Rock for tomorrow evening and pounced upon the next chapter in Twilight.

I simply love the fact that Bella is such a klutz. Granted, I’ve run into my share of walls and tripped over plenty of feet (at least half of them mine) but Bella brings new meaning to the term ‘danger magnet’.

Principal: “And over there, inspectors, we have the gym–“


School Inspectors: “What the rot was that?!”

Principal, going pale: “Oh, that’s just Bella Swan. She must have tripped over her own feet again.”

School Inspectors mark big X under column labeled Student Safety Conditions.

As for Bella, she’s got the school buzzing about her. What, first Eric, then Mike, then Tyler? I was half expecting her chicken enchilada to ask her out next. This is a very interesting scenario, especially because she turns them all down flat, plans a trip to run from town, and then suddenly- Edward Cullen will be coming along to keep her company.

Thus the web begins to weave. Now we have Jessica who asks Mike, Mike who wants Bella to ask him, Edward who doesn’t want Bella with Mike, and Bella who doesn’t really know at all what she feels for Edward. Four men (and counting) are after Bella. Complications, here we come. Possibly, a duel.

Dueling For Bella

Dueling For Bella

Here’s the deal: Bella’s already fallen for Edward, and yet she doesn’t want to admit it. While we’re getting into Bella’s head, there’s something behind the way she’s acting that she doesn’t realize, even though it’s very obvious to us. She gets a thrill just saying his name out loud. Now, they’re going on a short trip out of town, while all their friends are back at the dance.

I think it is part of the nature of some people, where they just don’t realize what they’re feeling. Bella seems to be so angry at Edward but at the same time, she obsesses with the thought of him and has dreams of him at night. She seems to be having an inner battle as to if she likes him or loathes him, and one side is going to win out eventually. During the ride to Seattle, perhaps (don’t tell me!)?

Things like this always seem to happen that way: everybody else knows you’re in love, except for you, and meanwhile they’re all giggling and pointing and you don’t know why. Anyone been there before? (the answer)


– Thanks everyone for all the help with my article! After over 400 people sent in their stories, I am now very happy to say I’ve gotten enough feedback for a century of columns. I will be writing the article and telling everyone where to read it once it’s up!

– If you want to submit some song ideas for chapters of the book, you can now send those in by clicking on the link in the right sidebar —-> down at the bottom of all the other stuff.

– Tomorrow, another TwilightGuy gives his story involving Very Aggressive Twilighters, (VAT for short).



73 Responses

  1. Actually, I wouldn’t have been too mad at you for watching School of Rock instead of reading the next chapter of Twilight, since School of Rock is one of my faborite movies.
    But I’m glad you chose Twilight instead 🙂

    Hilarious pictures as always!

  2. LOL at the picture of the lion

    glad you decided to read twilight instead of school of rock, but technically you could’ve done both at the same time but I guess you wouldn’t be able to concentrate much =)


  3. Haha. I’ve told all my guy friends to come on this site. Which is a wopping total of 4.
    You’ve got one hefty sense of humour.

  4. How do you do it? Read a chapter then write about it? I’d go mad!
    But you’re one mad dog, twilight guy. And for that I won’t tell you about the Seattle
    NON-TRIP. Gag! Oops, sorry!

  5. I love how one of the “categories” on the right sidebar is “uncategorized.” 😀

  6. LMAO! a duel!! this isn’t Judith McNaught (lol to all the girls that read J McNaught), but that would be very funny… and Bella having so many guys after her.. I wish that was me! lol maybe I need to move to a small town… hmmm…

  7. So, do you have a stock pile of hilarious pictures of yourself with funny faces that you put into other pictures–to make even funnier manips? Your pictures are honestly amazing. Also, School of Rock is an awesome movie– you definately need to see it:) Lastly, I love the conversation between the Inspector and the Principle, Bella would be the klutzy cause of a failed inspection. 🙂
    Happy Reading!

  8. BWAHAHAHA. I’ve been keeping tabs on this blog for a little while now, and every single entry cracks me up. The graphics in each post are very nice extra touches.

    Admire the dedication, by the way. Not too many guys (or people, period) would choose to read a chapter of a book instead of reading a movie. A Jack Black movie, nevertheless, just shifts the odds further out of balance. Look forward to watching the movie tonight/tomorrow; it’s really good. 🙂

    When your book gets released, I will definitely pick it up.

    On another note, the graphic work on this site is great! I love the header and the site promo icons.

  9. School of Rock is an excellent movie. That being said, I pretty much ditched homework for a week or two to read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, so I can’t blame you for choosing Twilight over SofR.

  10. I’ve been keeping tabs on your website and you are hilarious! I understand that you heard girls giggling around you about this book but how did you come up with the idea for the website and everything? And what exactly do you know about the characters so far except for Bella’s internal conflict and the boys like her? Have you read any spoilers or are you in the dark?

  11. A lion no please! XD
    I’m not going to say anything else sorry…
    MILLETTE SSSSSSSSSSHHHH Nor would you like to you…
    Hugs & cookies!

  12. Bravo on getting through chapter 4! 😉 It only gets better from here on out. Love the duel manip, BTW. That’s pretty much how I think of it. And I am definitely going to check out that “request a song” page. I have a million that go with Twilight.

  13. HAHAHA, LOVE the pic of her enchilada asking her out….hahaha
    And you better pick twilight over School of Rock no matter how awsome Jack Blacks teaching skills are!

  14. Lol great reveiw! great pic of the lions xD when u put that quote thing with Bella’s clumsiness i cracked up!! Hurry up with the chapter-reading

    I Officially give you a Gold Star for ditching SofR for Twilight!! *puts a sticker on your forhead*

  15. Ha! Love the pictures, they made me laugh outloud and my parents kind of just looked at me like I was insane!
    Anyway, good for you on choosing Twilight over School of Rock, which is a very good film! Hope you enjoy the next few chapters!

  16. The LION. OMG IRONIC xD Okay nevermind… No I’m not psycho. I love you for knowing us twilight fans so well! So I talk about you to all my friends now! xD I’m like “well the twilight guy said this..” totally gives me more credential in my arguments. xD Love the awesome pics you always have! And the songs are a wonderful touch! I really can’t wait till you get further in the book. 😀 Keep on with the great updates! <3

  17. Well, I’m looking forward to the article now.
    And I got a friend of mine to subscribe to this after she told her boyfriend to act more vampirish and he just gave her a look…. so I told her to read this blog. And she loved it.
    Too funny.

  18. Dude! you’re on a role! I would have understood if you really wanted to watch School of Rock. Jack Black is amazing. But when faced with the alt… let’s just say that we would have your best health in mind while feeding you to the lions(aka- VAT).

  19. OK! So I don’t like it that Edward is all, I know is best for Bella and since I know this for a fact i am now going to enforce it! All the, we shouldn’t be friends, I’m too dangerous for you, stay away from me crap is so dumb! Can’t wait for you to read whats next btw and what is up with Bella being so popular! Maybe if I moved to some remote place in the middle of my high school years I would have a much different social life too!

  20. Your sense of humor is hilarious! I love the “Heck yes!” when clicking “(the answer)”. Your natural wit is refreshing and I look forward to receiving each new update on your website. I also love the way that your honestly sarcastic personality reflects itself not only in your writing, but also flows right into this website with the creative graphics. Keep it up! You’re a genius!

  21. Dude, you’re hilarious!
    That one with Napoleon Dynamite just rocked.
    And I’ll be cheerleading for you in your battle for Bella (only if Edward isn’t there, of course…).

  22. Oh, yeah. School of Rock and Twilight are definitly my two obsessions. Just ask my friends about my soR phase… I swear, I have seen that movie 26 times! Go watch it. NOW. And read. NOW.

  23. O MG KALEB YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!!!!!!! i am only in the sixth grade and i read the series in 4 days i was so obsessed and i still am. i am so excited for the movie and you are going to be so surprised when you get to eclipse!!!!!!! have you read the first chapter of midnight sun? i have a song idea which is the diary of jane (acoustic)

    – sumz!!!!!!!!

  24. Napoleon Dynamite made me spit up my diet coke. VERY FUNNY! Love the commentary and keep it going. Savor the books because soon you’ll be “thirsting” for Breaking Dawn just like the rest of us.

  25. lol i learned of this site from a friend. one of my friends who is as u are of the XY chromos so his girlfriend reads twilight and pretty much all the girls in our group have so now is too by choice when he admitted he was reading it another friend told me of this website i love it ur humor is great but man i read this book in a day ur slower than my dad at readin and he never reads

  26. The fact that you have enough self-control to actually still focus on your studies makes me give you a standing ovation. Once I picked up Twilight, I was out of commission for a good week, until I read the entire series through three times (Thankfully I was sick that week, and didn’t have much else to do other than read the books multiple times). Even now, during finals week I find myself constantly checking the Lexicon and finding cute Twilight tidbits. So props to you for self-control 😀

  27. “I was half expecting her chicken enchilada to ask her out next.”


  28. Hello Kaleb!
    You had mentioned that you would like to hear some song ideas. I’m not sure if you know this but on stephanie meyer’s offical site (link below) she had a list of songs that she had listened to while writing each book. when you click on the individual books’ pages there is a play list. Some of the songs are oddly perfect for sections in the book. you should check it out!!!


  29. dude man this is awesome i wouldent expect i guy to be interested in twilight.(glad some are though)most girls like myself are addicted and obssesed. cool that your reading it keep going. 😉

  30. you think Mike and Edward are fighting over Bella? Just wait til you read Eclipse.


  31. I’m pretty sure that Bella’s science teacher thinks she’s hot too. I found out after I read this interview with Stephenie Meyer. Forgot where though :/.

  32. Nice job! You’re funny. And I have to say, I’m a girl who loves both Twilight AND School of Rock.

  33. I just discovered your website today, and may be more addicted to it than the actual books. Only time will tell.

    You should warn us before you’re going to do something exceptionally funny. Generally everything you write has been funny…but I nearly died of laughter when I saw the picture of Napoleon! Classic.

  34. The pictures are hysterical and so is your writing. I enjoy that you are enjoying the book without even trying.

  35. I stumbled upon your blog about a month ago but I never got around to really exploring it until now…as I mark my grade 8 students’ math tests.

    I love your fresh and absolutely hilarious reflections!

    Keep it up!

  36. The funny thing is throughout all the books Edward is pissed that Mike is hitting on Bella(but you already picked that up) when all he would have to do is dazzle Mike and then
    TA DA!! Mike is gay and the World is safe! (Jessica will get over it)

  37. Ha, ha, ha!!! The feeding to the lions is absolutely classic! But the one I love the most is the gym class joke with Bella! That one had me laughing for quite a bit.
    Now, as far as Bella and this chapter, it is kind of ridiculous that she gets asked out by everyone and “their enchilada!” (ha, ha) But at least she is able to ward off everyone with the excuse that she has to go out of town. And then two things happen that are the best because they are so funny! One is that Edward actually gets jealous(!!!) when Mike asks her, in a roundabout way, if they can go to the dance. The other one is when Edward purposely pulls out in the parking lot and blocks Bella, in order to give Tyler a chance to ask her out, which makes her even more impatient and furious. But the kicker is when she notices that Edward is seeing everything in the rear-view mirror and then seems to chuckle about what is going on, which ends up infuriating her to the point of actually thinking about inflicting damage to his car! (So funny!!!) And it also ends up making Bella suspicious about how Edward could possibly know what the conversation is all about, but then it quickly gets dismissed when she gets infuriated with both Tyler and him.
    Now, as far as Bella and Edward being in love, well… WE obviously know that this is the case. But, both of them are being difficult about it, by either trying to deny it (Edward) or by being thoroughly confused by her feelings and the situation (Bella.) Well, becareful though, because the floodgates are about to become open and everything is going to be let loose all at once!!!

  38. Yeah… I've been there… thats just the way it is… now that I'm older I think why didn't I just admit to my feeling and save alot of time… but then again… the guys to blame too for his lack of admittance…

  39. http://www.cafepress.com/twilightsaga5
    Funny picture of the lion. I love lions. They are my favorite animals.
    After the DVD was released for Twilight, I went to the DVD party at Hot Topic. By this time, I had only seen the movie in the theature once, and I read most of the books. I knew the books well, but I was forgetting the movie. I was very eager to see it again. I dressed up as Bella, and I even practiced being clumbsy. And I bit my right wrist, hard enough to leave teeth marks, but not break the skin. My dad thought I was crazy! Anyway, after getting the DVD, I stayed up until 5:00 in the morning watching it, and the special features. I was surprised by how much of the movie I had forgotten. But anyway, I already knew what was going to happen because I was already so familiar with the book.

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