The song for this chapter is Valentine by Jim Brickman (suggested by Jodie)
[audio:https://twilightguy.com/music/valentine.mp3]
I had no clue how much expectation is on my shoulders from readers of this site, until yesterday evening, when I received quite a few sour messages asking why I had done a second TwilightGuy Reports instead of a new chapter. The reason is, on occasion, I must take off Wednesdays, as well as the usual post-less Sundays. It gives me a chance to answer email and get caught up on things, like cleaning out my writer-junk or studying for exams. But never fear: I’m back, and with me are The Cullens!
It is in this chapter that I finally get to meet the elusive family of vampires. At least, I get to meet most of them. Two are not there, and I’m beginning to get the feeling that for some reason, they were told to stay away while Bella was around. I also feel a slight uneasiness as Bella enters the house: the same uneasiness an orange might feel walking into an orange juice tasting factory. However, Bella has Edward, and as long as he’s there, no one will be leaping from the shadows to take a bite.
We writers are quite an odd bunch (if you haven’t discovered already). Writers have gobs of fun with droll things like sentences, like rearranging the italics or commas in other people’s books to find new meanings. Take for example:
“What’s for breakfast?” I asked pleasantly. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat, Bella.”
Entirely different meaning when you remove the comma:
“What’s fer breakfast?” the goblin growled. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat Bella.”
And Bella, I must simply disagree. There are etiquette books out there detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family:
Edward on the piano is one of the most striking images I have found in this book. If anything, Annie Leibovitz could capture the scene well with a photo lit similarly to her shots of the Queen– a dark and slightly brooding mood. It is one of the scenes that I am looking forward to the most in the upcoming movie.
I have a thing for piano music. There are few instruments as soft and perfect as just a simple piano. Like Bella, I took lessons years ago but whined enough so my mom finally relented and let me quit. It is something I regret very much (I whined about writing, she did not relent, and now I’m an author — notice the pattern).
However, despite being unable to read music, I have found that I can play things by ear, and I still get the enjoyment that comes from making music. It is one of those things that calms the mind unlike anything else; so much that after leaving the piano home, yesterday I bought a new keyboard for my apartment, so I could keep making music for my own enjoyment. Nothing really compares to being able to compose your own songs, since it comes straight from your mind, untarnished by others who cannot capture it like you can yourself.
In this way, there is something special in the fact that Edward has written a song for Bella. It shows his feelings run far deeper than mere words. When making a song, the composer is thinking about something and trying to describe it in music, be it a certain scene or a feeling or a person. It is like painting a portrait of something from your imagination, but with sound. The fact that Edward has composed a song for Bella shows that she is on his mind so much, he cannot help but have her come out through his music. The sweetness of the notes describe Bella in the way that he sees her.
I realize that by always talking about Edward’s many qualities, the guys who read this are about ready to throw something at me. After all, he is a piano-playing, sweet-talking, movie-star-looking vampire, with whom no real guy could go up against. However, I believe that a very big part of the reason Edward seems so perfect is the fact that he at least puts out the effort– and not only that, but even more importantly because he is sincere. So many guys these days can just tell girls what they want to hear, like a fake-Edward, in order to get what they want, and use shallow words to make it seem that they mean what they are saying. But the sincerity of Edward’s feelings towards Bella goes far beyond mere words or etiquette: he really does think about her all the time, and it’s the little things like his music that are a reflection of that fact.
On a completely different note, if this was the stereotypical vampire novel, this paragraph would happen differently:
“It’s nice to meet you all — you have a very beautiful home,” I added conventionally.
“Thank you,” Esme said. “We’re so glad that you came.”
Then she snickered. “But this room isn’t as beautiful as –“
She suddenly lunged to pull a nearby lever and shrieked. “–the dungeon!”
And that was the last we heard from Bella Swan.
——NOTES——
– I just finished a draft of a new song, and if anybody is interested I’d love to get you opinions on it. It’s part of a project I’m doing to compose a soundtrack score for my book. You can hear the song on this page and leave opinions for it there. I’m not sure how good I am at it, so any input is great 😀
– Remember – anyone who comments this week is entered in the contest for a Mitch Hansen CD from twilightteez.com . I’ll email winners next week. Oh, and if you want it, maybe mention somewhere in your comment like ‘gimme the CD!’ or similar, so I know who’s in 😉
– I have been getting lots of messages recently from girls apologizing for reading my site. For some reason, a few people think this site is only for guys. That is nonsense. Girls and guys are welcome, though I’m only looking for Twilight stories from Guys (on the Guys page).
– I apologize for a lack of new videos on my Youtube channel. I’m planning a few new ones very soon – time has been evading me. But I just wrapped up a completely new intro which is boatloads better than the last one. You’ll be seeing it soon.
– If you won a prize either through a post or TwilightGuys Report, I will be getting an email to you at the end of this week for your shipping info. I’m just super behind due to exams and 4 chapters I am now forced to read tonight between…midnight and 2 AM 😀 . No sleep for the Twilight Guy!
253 Responses
Oh yes, I forgot to mention earlier…gimme that CD!
I agree with many of the other comments, you really do seem to understand Edward and the appeal he has for women of all ages. Chivalry is all but dead in this day and age, and Edward still holds true to that old concept that made men desirable. Keep up the wonderful posts.
gimme the CD!
I think that picture of the ‘Dummies’ book was your best yet. Very original. I bet Stephenie would get a real kick out of it.
“don’t gimme CD”
Golly, people get on this site at all odd (and even) hours of the morning (and maybe your time zones are just WAY different), and that just shows how ridiculously dedicated some (including myself occasionally) Twilightguy fans are.
Don’t get worried that we all think you’re haughty; I understood that you’re just joking. Anything to make the fans laugh, right?
Love your posts! Keep them coming! I do like chapters better than reports, but I won’t send you a nasty e-mail.
Like I have said before I love everything you have to say about this book! I woke up this morning so excited to get on TwilightGuy so I could see what you had to say next! I have also said before any girl would be lucky to have you 🙂
Oh I could use a new CD 😉
Your song is great…totally mesmerising and enchanting. I listened to it a million times at work!
I loved the switch around in the comma “just eat bella” I havent laughed that hard in forever Lol!
And I personally have nothing against the “we writers” jokes. Those are always really funny!
I think that it would be Rosalie who would Love putting Bella in the dungeon xD I could totally imagine that, even though Edward would kill her 🙂
Sorry, I have to agree with Roki…I also don’t like it when you talk about “we writers”…I’m sure you don’t have this intention, but it seems to me as if you’re putting yourself above all of us regular, untalented people…and then explaining it to us so we’ll understand.
Kaleb, I love this site! Your insightfulness is making me find things that i didn’t find more, and it’s making me love Edward even more! And if you don’t mind I’m gonna borrow what you said about it not being a stereotypical vampire novel, and show it to my friend, because she refuses to read Twilight, because her sister said it was the same as all vampire stories. Thanks!
Oh yeah, gimme CD, please!!!
I enjoyed the music page very much! Goodness, is there anything you CAN’T do?! (From the comments above, I believe you’re being elevated to Edward status!)
LOVED the Dummies book! OME!
I’m pretty sure you don’t listen to the disparagers or you couldn’t be in your “biz”. Keep ignoring ’em, there’ll always be nay-sayers. I just don’t understand people and their negativity…
CD please! 🙂 I already own it, but I’d love a copy to use as a prize the the Twilight Saga book Club I run for my local Barnes & Noble!
TwiGuy is the best!
I would absolutely love to have that CD! 🙂
My regards will be in my email as far as how much I enjoy this site.
Awesome work Kaleb!
Bella really needs that book–but I bet she wouldn’t read it if you gave it to her!
Put me in for the cd!
I love your site, Kaleb! I’m always looking for updates so keep up the good work! I also love you describe Edward and Bella’s relationship.. its amazingg! Again, keep up the good workk!
ps. i would love that CD. The Mitch Hansen Band are one of my favoritess. please and thank you : )
Put me in for the cd!
I love your insight on the book so far as well
Hello Kaleb,
I have been reading but have not commented before. I must reply to Roki at 37, as well as the many other similar messages I have seen throughout this site.
Kaleb, you are a writer. When your novel comes out, you will have thousands of critics hitting you from all angles- some of these with professional opinions who will tear your work into pieces. The press is a beast who will attack not only your work, but also make direct strikes upon your personal character in an effort to weaken you in the eyes of your readers, and ultimately to sell papers. It is a part of the business, and because you are so young, you will be scrutinized by the media more than others. But under no circumstances should you allow what they say to affect you.
I am a writer, and have had my works ripped to tattered shreds on many occasions, publicly, not only by critics but by readers. Does it ever stop hurting? No, it does not. But you learn to ignore those people.
The fact that there are 2 out of thousands of readers here who voice this opinion only reflects what all writers, including you, will and do go through. But you cannot, under any circumstance, listen to what they say, or offer as you did in comment 39 to change yourself to make them happy. In no way do you come across as pretentious, in fact you are far the opposite. The people who say these things must not read the entire article, but just skim for words and then comment based on an incorrect assumption. You are a popular writer, and you will be famous before this century is up, but not once have you said or alluded to such – your readers find out on their own. You have done the best that any writer can do, and that is leave opinions of your writing up to the ultimate judges, which are your readers.
If every writer listened to every critic, and tried to make everyone happy, there would be no good writing left. You cannot please everyone. You will go mad if you try. Two out of thousands is a very low number. I’d go with pleasing the thousands of others, and leave the two to their own opinions.
Jo
This was one of my favorite chapters in the whole book. Of course, I love just about every chapter of the book, but this one is always one I look forward to when I’m re(rerererererere)reading. Partly because I play piano and I love it to death and partly because if any guy ever wrote me a song, I would pretty much faint or something like that. Just proves once again how lucky Bella is to have found someone like Edward.
(I love Mitch Hansen. :3)
damn. i wonder if the Jo who commented 66 is the Jo we all think of when we think of a writer named Jo…
Allow me to just say:
GIMME THE CD!!!!!!!!!! =]
Anyways, definitely one of your funnier chapters! I laughed out loud when I read your additions to Bella Swan’s saga. Though I’d be PISSED if that happened in the book, it definitely does follow typically vampire novel characteristics.
Inmortal’s Twilight cuss words cracked me up!
I play the piano, and I guess I’m not a natural genius like you because it’s a lot of work…. Then again, maybe I’m playing harder stuff? Unknown.
PS “gimme that CD”
…
Gimme the CD!:))
nuff said.
Hahaha, I love that Dummies Guide! That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all week!
Nice job, Kaleb. 🙂
Love the Dummies Guide. Ha-freaking-larious! I too am a sucker (no pun intended) for a piano player.
Gimmie the CD! LOL.
LOL!!!
The Dummies Book was vamptastic! and i totally laughed my ass of when i read the rewritten Paragraph about Bella and Esme!!! continue your awesome work!
oh and….
I WANT THAT CD!!!!!!!!!
bye
Lisa
I feel bad that you’ve gotten snarky e-mails and comments. You shouldn’t be hounded about when or what you post. It’s a blog, not a news site. And people like that only perpetuate the rabid fangirl image that people associate with these books. I don’t think you sound pretentious either – your readers know upfront that they’re getting an interpretation of this book from a writer’s perspective, and that includes mechanics.
kaleb, i love how you actually understand why we love edward. it amazes me.
gimme the CD man!!!
Haha, inmortal!! I have to start this comment off with a comment on your comment. (does that make sense? :D) “WHAT THE HALE?” That’s pretty genius, did you make that up? Yeah, I think it’s sooo wonderful how he writes her a song! I cannot wait to see that in the movie. You’re really understanding, Kaleb! Thanks for doing all this.
P.S. “Gimme that CD” please!
Your picture this post was hilarious. Dangermagnetosis, eh? Anyway, that’s true. I wish guys would just realize that no one expects them to actually BE Eward (that is impossible for two reason: (1) because he is a fictional character, and (2) because it’s just.. not possible. Hah.), just to be sincere about the things they do. Glad you pointed it out. 🙂
Ps. A guy I like just finished reading Twilight (with no one actually MAKING him) and I nearly died of joy when he told me. I wodner if I can get him to post something on here..
PPS. Gimme that CD!
🙂
You always seem to understand Edward so much.
I love to listen to your opinions about twilight.
I’m so glad you are not afraid to show the twilight community that your are a guy, and you like twilight.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
oh yeah… ummm…
GIMME THAT CD PLEASE!
I laughed when you re-wrote the paragraph on Bella and Esme! And i loved how you described Edward!
Why people would leave such snarky messages is beyond me. Your intitled to your opinion!
Gah.. I hate when I misspell words..
so I meant *Edward. (Obviously.)
*reasonS (plural dammit!)
*wonder (not wodner. Sounds like Wapner.)
Umm.. how about you gimme that CD?
Just thought I should ask again. :]
Oh!
I forgot to mention how much i really really like the Mitch Hansen band!
Of course Im in for the cd?
On to the main subject however, I think you were dead on (hahaha, I crack myself up, ok seriously though no pun intended) when you gave your opinion of why women are so interested in Edward. You are right, it isn’t what he does, the fact that he is undead or that he is super model material. It is that he listens, he cares and I don’t think anyone can question his relentless devotion. He adores her on such a wide open level, it sucks girls in. Thats what we all want, someone to listen to us and adore us? And lets not forget protect us from ourselves. Keep up the good work! ~a twilightmom~
“After all, he is a piano-playing, sweet-talking, movie-star-looking vampire, with whom no real guy could go up against.”
I beg to differ, Kaleb. I know a human I’d take over both Edward and Jacob any day.
Loved this post. Like all the other ones. And I, personally, love that you mention the different things you notice as a writer. Most people don’t pay attention to such simple things or notice how important they are to the overall story. Not only are you bringing up things that others have missed, you’re giving a reason for it. It adds a certain appeal to your chapter reviews; makes it more interesting than just giving a summary of what you read.
kaleb nation, you will one day make some wonderful girl amazingly happy!!!! do you realize you are one of the few guys who actually completely and totally understands this book? i have said this before and i will say it again: YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!
oh and by the way would absolutely love a cd!!!!
Hiya, Kaleb! I’ve been looking forward on your notes to this chapter for WEEKS! I am soo soo happy you didn’t let me down, all I could say was COOL BEANS. And your song was very very pretty. So cool beans and congrats, Kaleb! And now on to the rest of the book… <3
Oh, yes, and I looked up the CD… sounds cool!
Your great at this!! I love when you say things like and us writers love to do this!!! anyways will listen to that music..and you’re really getting why we love Edward..can’t wait for more!!
P.S. I want THAT CD!! 🙂
hmm i know some guys thats read it and are totally consumed by them too
Gimme THE CD PLEASE!
ok, now that that’s out of the way,
Umm, can I marry you??
Jk, but you sem to understand Edward Cullen better than any guy I have ever met and that amazes me! Your blog is amazing and funny too. So thanks!
To respond to earlier comments, I do not think you sound pretentious at all when you say “as a writer”. I completely understand why you sometimes talk about the crazy things writers do/say and it definitely adds to your blog. Please keep the insight coming! Your opinions and comments on all things from twilight to gnomes are really entertaining and spot on. Again, you totally nailed the whole ‘why every girl loves Edward’ thing–genius!!! Btw, I might need to buy myself a copy of How to Dress When Your Vampire Sweetheart Takes You Home To Meet His Vampire Family…wait, Edward is not real, nor is he my sweetheart…never mind!!! Great job! Keep the posts coming!
oh yeah and gimme the cd
Heyhey
Just wanted to let you know about the song I think of as Bella’s lullaby.. It’s a very beautiful piano piece called “River Flows In You” by Yiruma.
I love your blog & I’m proud that Twilight is so awesome that it’s being read by guys who truly appreciate how wonderful Edward is.
-Sasha
Another great post- If only I could find a copy of that For Dummies book you mentioned…
I don’t think you sound pretentious by saying “we writers” since you ARE a writer. (and a fairly good one, in my opinion)
and I found this on Twilight Lexicon: “there’s also a basement where they keep illicit things. It’s hard to get to, if you’re not a vampire.” hmmm… creepy dungeon, perhaps?
Please gimme the CD!
*ahem* GIMME THE CD!
That aside, thank you so much for what you’re doing for us Twilight fans. You are articulate, charming, witty, and you respect all your readers (except the farm critters obviously). Sheesh. Insightful, brave, funny- WHY AREN’T THERE MORE OF YOU?
Haha You are so funny! Love your blogs and how you are able to understand Edward Cullen! The music is great! You are a great writer, you are nice, you play music… Is there anything else we need to know? You’re like the Edward Cullen of the real world. That bookcover is so hilarious! ♥
Gimme the CD (but only if it’s not to expensive for you to ship it to Germany XD)
Lmao I laughed so hard at the dummies book my mom had to slap me to stop “what in the heck is wrong with you!?” she yelled at me
and ur still right about Edward!! Kelab I love you man!!
keep on writing’
Kaleb,
I agree with Jo. You will be well-known when your own novel comes out, and you certainly do not boast about that fact. You shouldn’t listen to anyone who criticizes your writing; it’s yours and you will write it how you wish.
I also relate to your joy in music-making. I’ve been a pianist for fourteen years, and there is no delight in anything like playing the piano. I encourage you to try to pick back up your lessons in some way; if you remember anything about reading music, try to perfect it. Perhaps you can teach yourself a bit. It’s a wonderful feeling when you can just sit on the bench and play whatever you like, whatever you feel. Edward perfectly exemplifies this transfer of emotion into melody.
Keep up the reading! I enjoy every word of your commentary.
Pardon, let me clarify that first paragraph. You don’t boast about your writing, so you don’t sound pretentious. At all. Don’t concern yourself with what one or two people say.
haha i love when u rewrite the passages.
gimme the CD! lol please?