The song for this chapter is Valentine by Jim Brickman (suggested by Jodie)
[audio:https://twilightguy.com/music/valentine.mp3]
I had no clue how much expectation is on my shoulders from readers of this site, until yesterday evening, when I received quite a few sour messages asking why I had done a second TwilightGuy Reports instead of a new chapter. The reason is, on occasion, I must take off Wednesdays, as well as the usual post-less Sundays. It gives me a chance to answer email and get caught up on things, like cleaning out my writer-junk or studying for exams. But never fear: I’m back, and with me are The Cullens!
It is in this chapter that I finally get to meet the elusive family of vampires. At least, I get to meet most of them. Two are not there, and I’m beginning to get the feeling that for some reason, they were told to stay away while Bella was around. I also feel a slight uneasiness as Bella enters the house: the same uneasiness an orange might feel walking into an orange juice tasting factory. However, Bella has Edward, and as long as he’s there, no one will be leaping from the shadows to take a bite.
We writers are quite an odd bunch (if you haven’t discovered already). Writers have gobs of fun with droll things like sentences, like rearranging the italics or commas in other people’s books to find new meanings. Take for example:
“What’s for breakfast?” I asked pleasantly. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat, Bella.”
Entirely different meaning when you remove the comma:
“What’s fer breakfast?” the goblin growled. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat Bella.”
And Bella, I must simply disagree. There are etiquette books out there detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family:
Edward on the piano is one of the most striking images I have found in this book. If anything, Annie Leibovitz could capture the scene well with a photo lit similarly to her shots of the Queen– a dark and slightly brooding mood. It is one of the scenes that I am looking forward to the most in the upcoming movie.
I have a thing for piano music. There are few instruments as soft and perfect as just a simple piano. Like Bella, I took lessons years ago but whined enough so my mom finally relented and let me quit. It is something I regret very much (I whined about writing, she did not relent, and now I’m an author — notice the pattern).
However, despite being unable to read music, I have found that I can play things by ear, and I still get the enjoyment that comes from making music. It is one of those things that calms the mind unlike anything else; so much that after leaving the piano home, yesterday I bought a new keyboard for my apartment, so I could keep making music for my own enjoyment. Nothing really compares to being able to compose your own songs, since it comes straight from your mind, untarnished by others who cannot capture it like you can yourself.
In this way, there is something special in the fact that Edward has written a song for Bella. It shows his feelings run far deeper than mere words. When making a song, the composer is thinking about something and trying to describe it in music, be it a certain scene or a feeling or a person. It is like painting a portrait of something from your imagination, but with sound. The fact that Edward has composed a song for Bella shows that she is on his mind so much, he cannot help but have her come out through his music. The sweetness of the notes describe Bella in the way that he sees her.
I realize that by always talking about Edward’s many qualities, the guys who read this are about ready to throw something at me. After all, he is a piano-playing, sweet-talking, movie-star-looking vampire, with whom no real guy could go up against. However, I believe that a very big part of the reason Edward seems so perfect is the fact that he at least puts out the effort– and not only that, but even more importantly because he is sincere. So many guys these days can just tell girls what they want to hear, like a fake-Edward, in order to get what they want, and use shallow words to make it seem that they mean what they are saying. But the sincerity of Edward’s feelings towards Bella goes far beyond mere words or etiquette: he really does think about her all the time, and it’s the little things like his music that are a reflection of that fact.
On a completely different note, if this was the stereotypical vampire novel, this paragraph would happen differently:
“It’s nice to meet you all — you have a very beautiful home,” I added conventionally.
“Thank you,” Esme said. “We’re so glad that you came.”
Then she snickered. “But this room isn’t as beautiful as –“
She suddenly lunged to pull a nearby lever and shrieked. “–the dungeon!”
And that was the last we heard from Bella Swan.
——NOTES——
– I just finished a draft of a new song, and if anybody is interested I’d love to get you opinions on it. It’s part of a project I’m doing to compose a soundtrack score for my book. You can hear the song on this page and leave opinions for it there. I’m not sure how good I am at it, so any input is great π
– Remember – anyone who comments this week is entered in the contest for a Mitch Hansen CD from twilightteez.com . I’ll email winners next week. Oh, and if you want it, maybe mention somewhere in your comment like ‘gimme the CD!’ or similar, so I know who’s in π
– I have been getting lots of messages recently from girls apologizing for reading my site. For some reason, a few people think this site is only for guys. That is nonsense. Girls and guys are welcome, though I’m only looking for Twilight stories from Guys (on the Guys page).
– I apologize for a lack of new videos on my Youtube channel. I’m planning a few new ones very soon – time has been evading me. But I just wrapped up a completely new intro which is boatloads better than the last one. You’ll be seeing it soon.
– If you won a prize either through a post or TwilightGuys Report, I will be getting an email to you at the end of this week for your shipping info. I’m just super behind due to exams and 4 chapters I am now forced to read tonight between…midnight and 2 AM π . No sleep for the Twilight Guy!
253 Responses
Kaleb,
I just found your website today and ave been sitting here for HOURS reading and re-reading this blog. And to tell you the truth, I love it! You’re brave, and as you write your own personal comments, I find my self in concurrence with you. It all makes sense. And putting your spin on things, makes it all more fun, and worth it. I hope you enjoy the rest of the book, and series. I know I have, after reading it about 5 times, each book. π
By the way, I am most sincerely interested in the Mitch Hansen CD. π
You’re exactly right. We girls want sincerity. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for.
PS – Count me in for the CD thing. :D!
Kaleb! You did a comment commenting on Roki’s comment. Will you please tell me if you are going to give out any of your CD’s? Pleassse! Pleassse!!!
Larissa aka Lari
OMG i love ur opinions on the book [just eat Bella, ROTFL!! =] I wish more guys would read twilight. i tried to make my friend read it and after reading the book jacket he made it sound like i was trying to get him to shave off his eyebrows!!!
i finally conviced my Dad to read the first book so he’ll have some background on the whole situation when he takes me to the big New York stop on the Breaking dawn tour. [i live a 1/2 hour away and could take the subway there all by myself, but hes really waaaaaaaaay overprotective.] i think he could use a little encouragement though, just a little reasurance that there are indeed twilight guys out there. heres his e-mail:
**************
assure him that ur not a fake? pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssseeeeeeeeeeeee?????
Oh and PS:
‘GIMME THE CD!!!’ ;] lol
-gab
@Lari: Two of my songs are free on a hidden page at http://www.branhambric.com . I’m not sure about plans for a soundtrack with the book. But either way, I will still make sure by the time the book is out they’re available in some way.
π
–K
I love seeing this book from your point of view. It is very refreshing!
HAHAHA!!! OMG I love that dummies book Kaleb! Put me down for an order of that! LOL also love the change in the commas and Esme’s lines love the “Twilight in sterotypical vampire book style”. Oh and gimme the cd..pretty please π
You’re awesome Kaleb keep up the posts!
Oh and just to say on the other side of #37, I like hearing you talk about writers. I myself wish to be a writer and i like hearing what goes on in a writers head. I enjoy reading your blogs and your takes on the twilight book. Its like reading a twilight over again except its a new book. I actually read the book along with you so that i can compare what you say to what i say. Very Similar! Well Anyway, READ THIS KALEB!!!
GIMME THE CD!!!!!
Oh and if you don’t already know, there are two “aprils” commenting on your site, I am #108. And i will now refer myself to either April #1 or April K. Thanks Kaleb!!!! GIMME THE CD!!!! I already know that i said that but i really want it!
Great job analyzing the chapter! Oh, and I looked at the link to the “writer junk” thing, and i realized that my room looks almost exactly the same! =]
GIMME THE CD!
I love your writings about these chapters and how you notice some “writer” stuff like rearranging the dots and all, it gives a nice perspective. And may I add, you really get what Edward is all about.
And I would really like the cd!
Its funny how each time I read this book (and believe me its been numerous times) something different each time speaks to me. I guess that is one of the reasons people like it so much, becuase you can read it over and over.
For you this chapter speaks to your musical side, something that has been embedded in you and Cemented in your childhood. You even bought a keyboard! In some strange ways I think Twilight effects more then just the immediate when you read it.
Just for the record, I really love your pictures, they make me smile, especially the ones where you use the same face. Keep doing what your doing!
Jesus Christ! I’m the 113th comment? How do you not get scared? Eek.
Anyway, just wanted to leave some words. I usually don’t comment even though (trust me on this one) I check this site every single day.
However, I must say that as much as I love your Twilight Guy Reports, yours is one of my favourite websites mainly because of your chapter reviews. It’s not only because you’re a guy (which, by itself, is quite refreshing on this fanbase), but also because you get this book like NO ONE else.
You have so much insight it makes me feel… er… how do I put it? Less smart? Yeah. xD But it’s good!
If you ask me, your chapter reviews… Well, let’s just say that as bigger as better!
Go Kaleb! The only non-fictional Edward out there!
I said this on the last chapter but it amazes me each new post of yours. You really do get it.
One of the things I pride myself on is how I may love Edward…but that is NOT the reason I love Twilight. The book has all these gripping ideas and fascinating sentences and is just so beautifully written. It’s so gripping.
And like you said, Edward is so sincere. So are all the Cullens. Emmett may be joking all the time (except you haven’t really heard from him yet…) but he’s still so sincere. People shouldn’t try to act like they think is expected of them…or if they really do love someone…they should SHOW how sincere they are rather than fitting the mold. Who wouldn’t rather have someone who was sincere about everything they said than someone who lies and tells you sweet things that he doesn’t really mean?!
So I sincerely thank you for having this site and showing people the marvel of Twilight that is much deeper than perfect vampire boyfriends!
~Rachel
P.S. – I am definitely in.
I think this site is great!!
How’d you create that “How to dress…” cover anyways. lol. It was great, and I’d totally buy it if it were real.
OOO, and I would really love that CD!
You rock Kaleb! I always look forward to your updates!
PS: CD please?!
Who needs sleep?
Edward doesn’t… so obviously it can’t be that bad.
I want that cd. π I have a zune (because Ipods are overrated) and I can’t get Mitch Hansen on Zune… π
You make me seriuosly laugh out loud sometimes. You posts are so funny!
Oh and “gimme the CD”
gimme the CD please!!
Rolf!Bella needs to read how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family for Dummies, it could have saved her a lot of worrying π Kaleb you are awesome!
By the way, your dummies guide is the greatest image I have ever seen. Thank you for creating it.
It has made my day.
GIMME THAT CD! π
I love reading what you think of Twilight, because it makes me think about certain aspects of the book that I hadn’t really paid too much attention to.
i love you “for Dummies” idea. The whole insight you gave on Piano and Edward (my sweetheart) was just so…so…*deep*. I love it! You are so sweet! You get Edward and his actions! edward is perfect and you get it! I love your thoughts on the book! Kaleb U ROK!
Quiero un CD. (I want that CD)
More power to you for keeping up with the piano. I also whined and threw many a tantrum until my grandmother relented and the lessons stopped (You try having your grandmother rapping your wrists every time you get a note wrong, I promise you it’s no walk in the park!).
I’ve been enjoying your blogs on Twilight very much, keep up the fabulous writing and pictures – they’re all hilarious.
I love the images u make. Some of them are hilarious
I play piano too. I’m not very good, but I’m not too shabby either. I can read music, but I envy your talent to play by ear. I wish I could do that instead. By the way, I really must commend you on your writing. That was almost poetic the way you described what you feel composing music really means. lol. But seriously, I really do like how you described it “painting a picture with sound.”
Lovin’ the blogs– keep up the good work!!
Gimme the CD!! =]
Wow. u so understand this book. im so in awe.
and to think u actually PERSONALLY messaged me on youtube. gasp!
Wow. u so understand this book. im so in awe.
and to think u actually PERSONALLY messaged me on youtube. gasp!
Haha, I love the Dummies book, it’s so hilarious!
I loved more of your “explanation of why Edward is so much better than other guys out there”. His is so sincere and loving, and that just flows right into his music.
Oh, and I love CDs… especially Twilight ones…
love the song choice and what you said about Edward.
twilight guy is awesome.
I love your blog so much. It always makes my day!
PS: “Gimme the CD!”
First of all, I have to say that I enjoy your insight so much. It’s refreshing to hear a guy’s take on Edward and why we all love him. The other reason I read this blog is because you make me laugh so hard I cry! The line about the goblins and “just eat Bella” was classic! I find your humor to be very original and uplifting on a stressful day. Thanks so much for the effort you have put into this blog.
PS: Gimme the CD!
Well, I don’t want it to seem like I’m only commenting for the CD, but..
gimme the CD!
Although, really…
Kaleb, you so get it. You always have something insightful and intelligent and observant to say. And hilarious, too,of course.
I’ve found money like that. Just a tip never throw away birthday cards without looking at them even if its months after your birthday you may have forgoten to pull money out!
oh and GIVE ME THE CD! π
your blog is so funny yet insightful. Kaleb,i give you props your really getting into the story and reading in between the lines!
kaleb, you are so smart. you really understand the book, and get why us girls love it. edward is also so wonderful b/c he doesnt let bella feel sorry for herself like when she never thinks shes pretty, he doesnt let her be self deprecating. its what every girl wants. a guy that builds her up.
ps i loved the ‘how to dress when your vampire sweetheart take you home to meet his vampire family’ picture. very funny.
pps. “gimme the CD!” lol
kaleb! you and the twilight communtity are gonna make me fail my exams big style! it is past midnight here in london and instead of revising for the long day of exams i am here laughing at this page! you are absoloutely hilarious! and also i WANT a twilight CD…no I NEED a twilight CD. living in england means we dont get to enjoy all the twilight perks! pick me..
also loved the sound track its goood and am gonnna go to the nearest waterstones and find how to dress when meeting your vampire lovers family book for dummies.
I rush to your site whenever the lex says you’ve posted something new. It makes me laugh and laughter is the best medicine. Plus as everyone else has said…you totally get it. you are going to make some girl very lucky someday:)
New Cd’s are always great by the way;)
I love how insightful you are when reading Twilight and when you are sort of ‘picking apart’ the essence of what makes Edward so attractive to girls and women. I think guys feel like they have to put up a front and act macho to get a girl when that only puts people off. Sincerity is key with a lot of girls, sincerity and genuine concern.
And I’m totally in on the CD deal…
Kaleb, I loved the photo and your analysis but I think it might be helpful for future entries to remember that Twilight is written in Bella’s perspective. Bella thinks Edward is perfect but Edward is quite torn. Being twilightguy, I would love to read about what you (a guy) will do or feel in case you were in Edward’s shoes…
Hey, I love this sight. It makes me laugh so hard.
If you’re at all interested, I recently found a song on youtube that someone put to the chapter where Edward is playing the piano. The song is River Flows In You by Yiruma, I think and it is really good. Check it out if you care at all.
Kaleb,
1. GIMME THE CD!!!! *flutters eyelashes* pretty please???
2. Awesome insight, as always, on Edward. I loved that scene at the piano as well and always try to picture in my mind how he wrote it and exactly what his thoughts were specifically to inspire such a composition.
3. You are NOT pretentious-sounding at all. I find your commentary absolutely delightful.
4. The Dummies cover is hysterical! Keep up the good work – I needed that laugh today π
And if that writer “Jo” who commented was Jo Beverly, you’re an awesome writer too! I have tons of your books!
Good writers rock, and Kaleb, that means you, too. If I wasn’t happily married, I’d probably ask you to marry me via email.
Kaleb…
..
Have you already received numerous marriage proposals?
If not…Don’t be surprised when it happens. The mere fact that you understand why we love everything about Edward is enough.
Heck I’d ask you out on a date myself…But that might be complicated halfway across the country, also my boyfriend might frown upon that. π
What up Twilight guy?
I’m new to the site and I just wanted to say you’re hilarious, I loved your latest post, I had to oinch myself because I didn’t want my grandma to hear that I was laughing this hysterically because then she’d just come in and wonder what I was laughing about and THEN I’d have to explain the “Twilight” phenomenon to her and it’d take way too long because she can’t hear very well, and…what else was there? Oh yeah, I would very much like a free CD π Mitch Hansen is a beast.
Honestly, my respect level for you is at an ultimate high. It fills me with relief and joy to know that there are still guys out there who are willing to understand and not be complete idiots. I’m really tired of superficial, jocky guys with a huge.. hahaha, EGO. Reading your opinions on Edward, and just how you view things makes me happy. It’s very refreshing, and it leaves me thinking that you have a bit of and Edwardesqueness (wow) inside. All I can say is THANK YOU. You’re vamptastic. Better yet, amazing. :]
Love, Priscilla
BTW: I’m in for the free CD!
Just lettin’ you know π
WOW! I love the book for dummies!!! that was hilarious! I think all guys should read twilight!
It would change the world! MUAHAHAHA!
If and when you read New Moon, you’re going to look back at some of the stuff you’ve said and laugh. Well, i’m sure you laugh now, otherwise this would be a very lame blog. But anyways, I’m not dropping hints, but some of the stuff you say would be kindof..forshadowing. =)
P.S. I’m in need of new music =)
I laughed for so hard when I read your rewritten parts.
!) “‘Just eat Bella’ said Edward”
-hilarious!
2) I forgot to mention…I WANT THAT CD!!!!!!!!!