The song for this chapter is Valentine by Jim Brickman (suggested by Jodie)
[audio:https://twilightguy.com/music/valentine.mp3]
I had no clue how much expectation is on my shoulders from readers of this site, until yesterday evening, when I received quite a few sour messages asking why I had done a second TwilightGuy Reports instead of a new chapter. The reason is, on occasion, I must take off Wednesdays, as well as the usual post-less Sundays. It gives me a chance to answer email and get caught up on things, like cleaning out my writer-junk or studying for exams. But never fear: I’m back, and with me are The Cullens!
It is in this chapter that I finally get to meet the elusive family of vampires. At least, I get to meet most of them. Two are not there, and I’m beginning to get the feeling that for some reason, they were told to stay away while Bella was around. I also feel a slight uneasiness as Bella enters the house: the same uneasiness an orange might feel walking into an orange juice tasting factory. However, Bella has Edward, and as long as he’s there, no one will be leaping from the shadows to take a bite.
We writers are quite an odd bunch (if you haven’t discovered already). Writers have gobs of fun with droll things like sentences, like rearranging the italics or commas in other people’s books to find new meanings. Take for example:
“What’s for breakfast?” I asked pleasantly. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat, Bella.”
Entirely different meaning when you remove the comma:
“What’s fer breakfast?” the goblin growled. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat Bella.”
And Bella, I must simply disagree. There are etiquette books out there detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family:
Edward on the piano is one of the most striking images I have found in this book. If anything, Annie Leibovitz could capture the scene well with a photo lit similarly to her shots of the Queen– a dark and slightly brooding mood. It is one of the scenes that I am looking forward to the most in the upcoming movie.
I have a thing for piano music. There are few instruments as soft and perfect as just a simple piano. Like Bella, I took lessons years ago but whined enough so my mom finally relented and let me quit. It is something I regret very much (I whined about writing, she did not relent, and now I’m an author — notice the pattern).
However, despite being unable to read music, I have found that I can play things by ear, and I still get the enjoyment that comes from making music. It is one of those things that calms the mind unlike anything else; so much that after leaving the piano home, yesterday I bought a new keyboard for my apartment, so I could keep making music for my own enjoyment. Nothing really compares to being able to compose your own songs, since it comes straight from your mind, untarnished by others who cannot capture it like you can yourself.
In this way, there is something special in the fact that Edward has written a song for Bella. It shows his feelings run far deeper than mere words. When making a song, the composer is thinking about something and trying to describe it in music, be it a certain scene or a feeling or a person. It is like painting a portrait of something from your imagination, but with sound. The fact that Edward has composed a song for Bella shows that she is on his mind so much, he cannot help but have her come out through his music. The sweetness of the notes describe Bella in the way that he sees her.
I realize that by always talking about Edward’s many qualities, the guys who read this are about ready to throw something at me. After all, he is a piano-playing, sweet-talking, movie-star-looking vampire, with whom no real guy could go up against. However, I believe that a very big part of the reason Edward seems so perfect is the fact that he at least puts out the effort– and not only that, but even more importantly because he is sincere. So many guys these days can just tell girls what they want to hear, like a fake-Edward, in order to get what they want, and use shallow words to make it seem that they mean what they are saying. But the sincerity of Edward’s feelings towards Bella goes far beyond mere words or etiquette: he really does think about her all the time, and it’s the little things like his music that are a reflection of that fact.
On a completely different note, if this was the stereotypical vampire novel, this paragraph would happen differently:
“It’s nice to meet you all — you have a very beautiful home,” I added conventionally.
“Thank you,” Esme said. “We’re so glad that you came.”
Then she snickered. “But this room isn’t as beautiful as –“
She suddenly lunged to pull a nearby lever and shrieked. “–the dungeon!”
And that was the last we heard from Bella Swan.
——NOTES——
– I just finished a draft of a new song, and if anybody is interested I’d love to get you opinions on it. It’s part of a project I’m doing to compose a soundtrack score for my book. You can hear the song on this page and leave opinions for it there. I’m not sure how good I am at it, so any input is great 😀
– Remember – anyone who comments this week is entered in the contest for a Mitch Hansen CD from twilightteez.com . I’ll email winners next week. Oh, and if you want it, maybe mention somewhere in your comment like ‘gimme the CD!’ or similar, so I know who’s in 😉
– I have been getting lots of messages recently from girls apologizing for reading my site. For some reason, a few people think this site is only for guys. That is nonsense. Girls and guys are welcome, though I’m only looking for Twilight stories from Guys (on the Guys page).
– I apologize for a lack of new videos on my Youtube channel. I’m planning a few new ones very soon – time has been evading me. But I just wrapped up a completely new intro which is boatloads better than the last one. You’ll be seeing it soon.
– If you won a prize either through a post or TwilightGuys Report, I will be getting an email to you at the end of this week for your shipping info. I’m just super behind due to exams and 4 chapters I am now forced to read tonight between…midnight and 2 AM 😀 . No sleep for the Twilight Guy!
253 Responses
You are definately my favorite website to visit. I love your thoughts on the book because they match my thoughts perfectly. You have such a deep understanding of the book…AND EDWARD! Holy cow, you are amazing. I will be back again, and again…and again!
OH…gimme a CD! 😉
🙁 I already have the Mitch Hanson Band CD.
But that is totally cool. It has wonderful songs and I listen to it at least once a day. Every Twilight fan should look into it.
I love the song you picked for the chapter. If I had thought about it I would have suggested..
River Flows In You by: Yiruma
http://www.myspace.com/yiruma
for Bella’s song. You still should listen to it if you get a chance. It’s beautiful in everyway possible.
Thank you for the laughs and insight on Twilight!
wait… is that book for real? i mean the ‘how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family’…is it for real, or am i just really blonde? (no offense XD)
Kaleb you are great!!and of course your website is the second website that I always visit!…
I love your comments and critics about the book..really you rock! 🙂 the book cover is AMAZING!if you sold that copy for dummies, I would definitely buy it!:)
and you are international!wink- you know why? because I´m uruguayan(spanish is my natal language so please forgive me if there are mistakes in this comment)and I always visit your site!…
I hope you are enjoying Twilight as it looks in your entries…
greetings from uruguay
Joa_Cullen
ERES GENIAL!
I love this chapter!
Gimme the CD.
LOL “Just eat Bella.”
hahahaha i was laughing throughout this whole thing!
“And that was the last we heard of Bella Swan.”
lol you crack me up all the time!
hahah the stereotypical vampire story was the best xD
I want a cd pleasee! =D
gimme the CD!
:]
Why the hell would an orange WALK into an orange juice factory? Must be a suicidal orange! 😀
Uhm… *shuffleshuffle* You wanna marry me? *pulls out purple plastic ring bought for 25 cents moments before* …please?
Marriage proposals aside (I’m expecting an answer within a week,) great insight into the series! Oh, and I remove punctuation for my amusement all the time! I can’t believe someone else does it, too.
English majors do it better 😉
Ah, and I would like a CD, please :3
I have been reading your fascinating journey across Twilight and I’m really impressed because it seems you can understand us!!!(women) So I’m thinking: Are you really a guy? Jajaja That was a joke! Really, for every GUY that visit this page READ WHAT KALEB IS GETTING FROM TWILIGHT AND YOU’LL BE ABLE TO MAKE GIRLS LOVE YOU JUST AS EDWARD CULLEN!!
“However, I believe that a very big part of the reason Edward seems so perfect is the fact that he at least puts out the effort– and not only that, but even more importantly because he is sincere.”
I love you.
Seriously.
You get it.
And I am passionate about classical violin, so I can completely empathize with you about Edward’s piano. Like I said, I’m a musician, so that really struck a chord with me (ha ha)- It was kind of like falling in love with him all over again.
Yup.
Wow I abolutly loved, the way you worded what would happen in a normal Vampire story that was very funny!
As always I loved the update.
Gimme the CD!!!!!
Kaleb, every post just amazes me more! I could hardly put into words why I, along with most other girls, love Edward and find him so perfect. But you take the words out of my mouth and explain it for me.
You’re my hero!
PS: That CD would be super 😀
I think that you should write one of those fan books and put your chapter overviews in it… Kinda like a “how to read Twilight” book….
Do it…
(Cd would be so awesome)
I love reading your website. I love how you just get things. Everything you say is so true! And I think that every boy who is thinking about dating a girl in love with Twilight (almost ever boy then, I think) should look at this website. You give such amazing advice and I think that if boys understood why girls loved Edward it would do some good for them!
YOU ROCK!!
I would definitely buy that book for dummies. You never know when a mysterious vampire might invite you over to dinner with his family 😉
(P.S.: But if I even won the CD, would you charge me for making you ship it all the way to Malaysia?)
Haha, the last part of that post rocks: the “… the last we heard from Bella Swan” bit XDDD
and i never thought this site was for guys only… especially since Stephenie was the one who linked it on her myspace.
~A.
PS: GIVE ME A CD!! [though i doubt you’d want to ship it to half way across the world ;p]
Kaleb,
You’re going to have girls wanting to marry YOU. You have to be a super great guy in person, too. Quirky, I’ll bet, but awesome. Thanks for the emails, I know that you have so much to keep caught up here and school and work. You’re a busy, busy guy!
Oh! I added you as a friend on myspace a few weeks back.
I’m glad that you understand the depth of Twilight…but I don’t think that all guys can if they don’t have that analytical part in them that comes from being a writer (or a good English student).
Anyways, you should give me the cd. I’m just sayin’. 🙂
Just wondering … do you read all these comments?
I like Dummie-books. xD
cd
@Melomaniac: I try to 😀
I work at a credit union and this is one of the sites they haven’t blocked… yet. I’m just glad they haven’t so I can sit and read your posts. I think you are hilarious, Kaleb. Thank You.
Oh and I would like to be entered in the contest for the CD!
That photomanip of the “Dummies” book… Hilarious! It made me laugh. A lot. 🙂
Also, keep up the, like most everyone has already said, truly insightful posts. I think it is safe to say: You dazzle me.
p.s. “Gimme the CD!” 😀
I agree, Edward’s piano playing is his second best quality, immediately after his shmexiness. Still, I’m one of those girls who begged her parents to let her quit, her parents didn’t let her quit, her teacher quit because he got sick of being bit by a dog every time he came to the house, and now that she doesn’t have a teacher, she has suddenly become obsessed with learning and retaining as many songs as possible. We’re a dying breed.
By the way, my computer is broken to the point where it refuses to let me buy CDs on it, no matter how many times I try to after listening to amazing songs about Twilight online incessantly, so hint hint. *cough* Gimme the CD *cough*
I absolutely love your dummies picture. It kind of made my day.
And I’m totally peeved that there are only a handful of guys out there like you who take the time to figure out us girls. Guys always say they wish that they could read our minds but it’s really not that difficult, and you’re starting to figure it out lol.. I’m guessing you’ve had about 20-30ish marriage proposals so far?
And I definitely switch up commas and italics too. On the bus usually..and people think I’m insane. 🙂
Muahahahahahahahaha
i love the for dummies pic. that had me going. your hilarious.
o
and
gimmie the CD.
No, Kaleb! Don’t stop talking about writers!
I’m a writer myself, and when you make fun of our crazed populace, it makes me laugh because I totally agree with you.
(I would also very much like a CD, by the way.)
But anyway, this was a great post. Lots of humor, but I also loved your evaluation of Edward’s songwriting– that was very well thought-out!
gimme the cd….
Heh loved it! and the whole thing that you had a link to about cleaning out your place…I can totally relate.
Love yah, keep twilighting!
Hi, Kaleb! I wish I’ve read your comments since the beginning that you made your them, but anyway, I just did. You are truly amazing for reading Stephenie Meyer’s book. I just love your CD. I listened to it before I went to bed last night and listened to it 3 times today. Seriously. Love it. The combinations of piano, guitar, flute, violin, etc. were so amazingly beautiful. Wish I could have it. I love Edward Cullen and who wouldn’t? Just told my kids I’ll never get married again until someone like Edward Cullen comes into my life!
LOL! that pic of the book seriously made my day. Another great post Kaleb, you truly are becoming the real Edward Cullen and that`s because you get him and the motivations behind his lovely actions. can`t wait for your next posts. 🙂
Kaleb you deffinitely understand what it is about Edward that draws all of us girls in. You should deffinitely make a book about it. (after the vampire etiquette book of course.)
I feel bad that you are feeling pressured to do update, as opposed to going about your daily life. First things first, man! Don’t worry about us obsessive fanpires 😉
Omg.. the thing about the dungeon. I look forward to reading your book and I just want to give you a hug.
I also sent a link to this website to my boyfriend…. whose name is Caleb.lol. I outlined certain parts he should read.
Does that make me a bad girlfriend O.o
THIS
THIS is what you thought while reading the chapter… i knew you noticed, but why not mention the fact that Stephanie’s taking all the rules and stereotypes pertaining to vampires and totally inventing a new definition?
Ones that aren’t harmed by crosses and glitter in the sunlight – that they can even go out in sunlight made me skeptical until i read it – and they don’t have fangs (that we know of)…
if i had to sell Twilight to a guy or any skeptic for that matter, i’d surely mention those awesome points about the books.
AHAHAHA! May I just say that this is one of the funniest posts yet? Ahah…
I really enjoyed the removal of the comma. Mostly because (no matter how out of character it would be) I can imagine Edward saying that.
And then the etiquette book! 😀 Genius.
Ahh, piano. My favorite instrument. I only have a keyboard…. Unfortunate, but we don’t have the space for a piano anyway. I’ve tried composing. It’s not easy, yet still I try…
Oh, last thing. The way things would have gone, had this been a stereotypical vampire novel. Ahahahah! I have no idea where you come up with these…
OMG that goblin part got me laughing so hard my parents opened my shut door and gave me dirty looks (I laugh a lot when it comes to twilight things they should be used to it by now)
dungeons get clothes dirty Alice would not allow that
I think the book is great!Ecspecially chapters 5,14,and 15.I love when Edward and Bella are together.It gives me a “I shouldnever put the book down” feeling.It's great!
I read this, only because I had searched the web for a book “Vampires for Dummies” for my current writing project, just to make sure I wasn't doing any copyright infringement by making it a book title inside of my book. Then I got to reading what you had to say, and although this is two years old and all, I found it oddly…exciting. I love your remakes on alot of the lines and scenes. Amazingly at that same line “Just eat, Bella.” I thought the same thing. I enjoyed reading what you thought about the piano, and as I read it I was thinking about the actual song they put in the movie and the one that fits best. “River Flows In You” by Yiruma. Everytime I hear it, I can hear that scene in my head. It gives me goosebumps on occasion, mainly when played live by a friend. I intend on reading more from you. Thanks.
I read this, only because I had searched the web for a book “Vampires for Dummies” for my current writing project, just to make sure I wasn't doing any copyright infringement by making it a book title inside of my book. Then I got to reading what you had to say, and although this is two years old and all, I found it oddly…exciting. I love your remakes on alot of the lines and scenes. Amazingly at that same line “Just eat, Bella.” I thought the same thing. I enjoyed reading what you thought about the piano, and as I read it I was thinking about the actual song they put in the movie and the one that fits best. “River Flows In You” by Yiruma. Everytime I hear it, I can hear that scene in my head. It gives me goosebumps on occasion, mainly when played live by a friend. I intend on reading more from you. Thanks.
I love this part of the book and the part of the movie this is when Bella Swan meets the Cullen's and i think if boys read the book they will have alot of dates 🙂 lol
I think that the books r awesome and I think this Site is awesome
“How to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family for dummies”…..priceless….
I can't even imagine Esme in that way XD lol.
—Mickey
http://www.cafepress.com/twilightsaga5
I like Alice's responce when she meets Bella at the Cullen house, “Oh…You do smell good!”
Twilight Guy, your writting soaks me up, just like Stephenie Meyer's writting!
http://www.cafepress.com/twilightsaga5