A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Twilight: Chapter 11 (Complications)

The song for this chapter is Enemies by Ryan Cabrera


I returned from Alaska on Monday only to find that I was locked out of my house. The apartment people had changed the blasted locks on me, and since it was Memorial Day, I had to sit outside for nearly 2 hours waiting for the maintenance guy to get on over there. This was only bitterly humorous, since it came immediately after The Lasagna Burglar got in and raided my freezer. I cry Injustice!: I pay the rent, but he has an easier time getting in my home.

If I wasn’t out-of-my-mind exhausted, I might have thought to start on the next chapter of Twilight while waiting to be let in. But all thoughts were elsewhere (pondering a quick change of profession to get in my home) so it wasn’t until today that I got to it. But finally on to chapter 11!

I would be partially terrified to be in the same room as Bella with a tennis racket. In fact, if I was Coach Clapp, I might rather prefer she be handed a paper plate taped to the end of a paint stick, in an effort to reduce the weight of the object if it became airborne when she goes flying through the air. After Bella leaves, I’m sure she won’t be the only person who is ‘lightheaded and wobbly’.

It didn’t go smoothly. I somehow managed to hit myself in the head with my racket and clip Mike’s shoulder on the same swing. Then, I clunked Michelle on the back of the head, providing a wonderful concussion, which in the same forward motion over-extended my arm, pulling a muscle, which caused me to swing backwards, providing a graceful set of bruises to Marvin. As I jerked forwards again so as to not fall backwards from the motion, I made a circular swing and knocked three other classmates unconscious, the power of this swoosh causing me to backpedal ferociously, knocking wildly into Harry, Jeremy, Megan, Fiona and Paula, knocking them all out cold. Centrifugal force then caused me to go flying again, slamming the end of the racket into George, Jamie, Tyler, Ashley, Christopher, Minnie, Todd, Shamika, Keisha, Zahra, Shonda, Sabrina, Krista, Daronda, Theresa, and Felicia, among others, before I finally landed at the feet of Coach Clapp.

Honest, officer. That’s what happened.”

The Forks Gazette

The Forks Gazette reports


As for Rosalie’s red convertible and all the guys gathered around it, I can vouch that the scene is quite realistic. Every day, there is a red Mustang in pristine, polished condition parked out in front of the apartment. It is like having a princess in Toadtown: almost every other vehicle in the lot is either scrap-metal, half painted, or belongs to the mail carrier. I am certain that whoever owns this car is sitting up in their apartment window with binoculars, grinning wickedly as they watch guys try to let their turning gazes of admiration go unnoticed.

The Red Convertable

Stephenie also keeps referring to a specific, nameless band in these chapters, but I think it’s pretty easy to guess which one she’s thinking of (added 10:32 AM: forgot to mention: I think the band is Linkin Park). She was smart, though, not to say their name in the book. This lets us imagine almost any band we’d like in their place. I’m curious as to what band you people think would fit for something Bella and Edward would both love. As for me, I’d think they might also be a fan of Anberlin too.

On page 232, I saw the word ‘twilight’ for the first time, just before the chapter ended with one of the Blacks appearing and seeing Edward. I’m getting the feeling that they don’t like each other very much, and I’m almost certain I’m going to be hearing more about this in the next few chapters.


– My five hour college class was so interesting, it flew by and was over in a flash. Not at all what I was expecting. So it obviously isn’t near as loathsome as I thought, and oddly enough my professor looks like a Mel Gibson double. Weird. But the class was awesome and the dread has left me.

– Due to being nearly 3 weeks behind on emails, I have added a FAQ page at the top that will answer some common questions. Sorry if it’s taking me so long to get back! I’ll be replying as soon as I can get to them.

Our friend GJ sent me another email, filled with even more oinking. I am considering posting it. Does anybody want or not want to read more from him?

– Congrats to The Fantastic Twi-Hards youtube for getting listed on Stephenie’s website! I know all too well how it feels to know that Stephenie actually saw something you made. Now, all I need is a link from her site too… though I guess her Myspace mention was golden enough for me 😀 .



94 Responses

  1. Well, I always thought of Bloc Party as the mentioned band, but this is probably just because I listened to them while reading some passages of the book.

  2. LOL! The substitute racket you thought for Bella would be unusable. The tennis ball would just wreck it, haha! Then she wouldn’t be able to play…which is kind of the point you had right? Safety first! hahaha!

    About the mustang. Maybe it’s Rosalie’s. Who knows? She might have bought a new car.

  3. the first time they sayy twilight in the book is actually page 139. when bella is debating if edward could possibly be a vampire in her trip up the trail behind her house.
    “… i wanted nothing more than to be with him right now. Even if… but i couldn’t think it. Not here alone in the darkening forest. Not while the rain made it as dim as TWILIGHT under the canopy and pattered like footsteps across the matted earthen floor.”

  4. Oh my! I love your site!
    I am hooked! It is my Twilight fix! And I just discovered it YESTERDAY! I have soo much to catch up on.
    Thank you!! Keep posting!
    You’re AHHH-MAZ-ING.

    Oh and GJ cracks me up!
    I love it. haha.

  5. Hi Kaleb,

    Seriously, I think I pulled a muscle LMAO at your extended badminton scene along with the headlines.

    My son just rolls his eyes and tells me to get a life even though he’s the one who insisted I read the Saga.

    Your take on the book and all your graphic imaginings like Bella’s truck and Unicorn Charlie are too funny.

    Well done young dude!

    Your site is now part of my daily fix along with TwilightMOMS, of course!

  6. Anberlin is a perfect choice 🙂 Along with the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, maybe some Switchfoot, Leeland… Muse… 🙂

    i’m reading Twilight for the third time, taking it a bit slower now, and this is my favourite quote from Chapter 11 – say you agree with me, make my day! 🙂 it comes from page 194, following Bella and Mike’s dialogue after Gym class.

    ‘ “He looks at you like… like you’re something to eat,” he continued, ignoring me.
    I choked back the hysteria that threatened to explode, but a small giggle managed to get out despite my efforts. He glowered at me. I waved and fled to the locker room.’

  7. The sad thing is, when I read the chapters with the CD in them, I was kindof hoping it was Metal, not Linkin Park.
    I thought it was Damageplan or Megadeth or somebody. I was a little disappointed to find out it was just Linkin Park.
    But, eh, that’s what you get when you’re too into Metal. Haha.

  8. Yeah, that would be me in gym class. Only instead of knocking everyone else out, i would somehow manage to be in the way of every single ball, and get hit in the head countless times.
    I think i have a ball magnet in my head.
    But that would make an awesome headline. And that makes me laugh because another headline could be “Eddie-boy knocks whole Biology class unconcious before vampirifically devouring Bella Swan” except it dosent have as nice a ring to it.
    Oh, and that makes more sense if you’ve read the bit of Midnight Sun on Smeyers website.

  9. Hey, that’s my name! 🙂

    This is completely random, but where did you get all those names?! You are so funny. XD

  10. I think Edward and Bella would both be into Switchfoot ( or at least Edward would) because Switchfoot is all about beautiful music and deep messages.

  11. NO!!! You are wrong! The first time the book says twilight is in chapter 7 on page 139 at the bottom of the page. It took me forever to find it so…. I hope you enjoy! 😀 I just wanted you to know that and I'm not trying to be rude like this sounds. So that's where it really is.

  12. NO!!! You are wrong! The first time the book says twilight is in chapter 7 on page 139 at the bottom of the page. It took me forever to find it so…. I hope you enjoy! 😀 I just wanted you to know that and I'm not trying to be rude like this sounds. So that's where it really is.

  13. lol the only flaw with that scenario is that Bella more often then not inflicts injury on her self more then others, if she's taking out all those people you bet she's going to like trip at the end and give herself a concussion! lol! and the whole Blacks and Cullen's hating each other thing will never be the same for me after watching these:



    “Mornin' Hell-beast”
    “Mornin' minor character!”

    lol love it.


  14. Rosailie's convertable is, like, megaly cool!

    Anyways, I'm really enjoying hearing your funny thought on Twilight! Nice job, Kaleb! Like sooooooooooo many other people have said, it is CLASS that you are a guy twilight fan!

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