A guy reads Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (2009-2011)

Reading Breaking Dawn: Chapter 2 (Long Night)

The song for this chapter is When They Came For Us by Shiny Toy Guns


Surprisingly enough, the new web server switchover hasn’t happened yet, because I’m still here (or am I?). I think everything is under control for now, but there will most likely be at least 6 hours of downtime around the end of this week. This is not a bad thing, actually. We discovered the root of the problem is that I posted my author photos yesterday, which prompted multiple thousands of people to hit KalebNation.com all in the same hour and overload the servers. I don’t know about you, but there are some on this planet who are just too easily excited (not that I’m complaining πŸ˜€ ).

Before I begin this post I should probably warn everyone that I am extremely sleepy. In fact, just minutes ago I awoke suddenly and realized that I was not in bed, but was so tired I had fallen asleep at my desk. Now that you’ve been warned, you can’t blame me for whatever half-conscious things I write in this post. But for now: the second chapter of Breaking Dawn can wait no longer!

I found it hilarious that Edward’s shirt is on the floor the evening he is staying with Bella. What, does he just hang around with no shirt on anymore? Is he trying to pick up on some habits from Jacob Black or something? If anything, he could try that half-vest thing that Aladdin does. Even Scottie McMullet wears a scarf:

Hiathur miss, yr dress is fallin off...
haithur miss, just fixing that dress of yrs


Some may laugh, but a 2-year-old vampire is quite a terrifying thought to me. I grew up in a house with four younger siblings, and have been through at least three two-year-olds that I can properly remember. If you’ve ever been around a toddler, you will know that temper tantrums come very often with no distinct pattern to their outbreak. Having a angry 2-year-old vampire would go something like this:

My younger sister: WAH.

Me: Here, take this toy.

Younger sister takes the toy, crumbles it into tiny shards, and throws the pieces at me like arrowheads.

Me, dodging: NO. Just watch television.

Younger sister picks up television, throws at ceiling and causes roof to cave in on me.

Me, gasping for life: NO. Are you hungry?

Younger sister: Actually, I’m thirsty. [looks at me]

Me: NOOOOOOoooooooooooo…

Now, imagine such mayhem and uncontrollable temper being set against an entire village that simply doesn’t have enough toys to make the baby happy. You would have quite a bit of mayhem going on, not even considering the fact that this demon child also happens to enjoy the taste of the villagers blood.


The wedding for Bella and Edward is beginning to loom: and that fateful day when Bella will be turned into a vampire gets closer and closer. I keep wondering what it would be like to be 18 forever. Eighteen for me wasn’t exactly as epic as people in the movies make it out to be, partially due to me living in the middle of nowhere without a car. But still, 21 or even older seems like a far better age to get stuck as a vampire, just because you’ve gotten to experience a lot more human things you’d miss out on if you were a vampire. Because no matter how horrible and dull anyone’s life is, humanity is something I’m sure will be missed at some time or another.

But then again, the difference with Bella and Edward is that they will have each other. I do wonder about them though. It seems so much that Bella thinks she can simply live with Edward and Edward alone, and she doesn’t need anyone else. When you’re in love it’s so easy to think that: why in the world would you want anyone different? What would really be wrong with getting a deserted island and just living there with the person you love, without ever having to deal with anyone else or the mundane problems of the world?

It might all be a wonderful fairytale ending, but no matter how much Bella and Edward love each other, at some point they will need others. Edward seems to understand this. But for Bella, a normal high-school girl, it will be hard at some point for her to never be able to go out with her friends, or to have to avoid all the people from her high school forever — even if she finally has Edward.

The next chapter is called Big Day. Keeping in mind the grand mix of werewolves, vampires — and oh yes, even some boring old humans — who will be in attendance, I can only imagine how this wedding business will go πŸ˜€

Question for the comments: If you were turned into a vampire, what age would you want to be stuck in (any age, past present or future)?


– Thanks for all the help picking my author photo! I’m pretty sure there was a resounding vote for a certain one, but I’ll update when we have the final pick πŸ˜€



165 Responses

  1. Haha I like your 2-year-old vampire story πŸ˜€

    For the question.. I’m still a teenager, but I probably wouldn’t want to be stuck where I am right now. Probably early 20s, so I could pass as an older teen or a young adult, and either go to school or work. But if the guy I love actually loved me back, right now wouldn’t be so bad either *sigh*

  2. sheesh you are some kind of psychic!
    i love your reviews, they always make me laugh =]

    as for the question. i’d probably want to be stuck at 21, so i could pass as a young one or older =]

  3. There’s been some research that the brain keeps developing until about 25, so I say that mentally, that’s where I’d want to be. Physically, I’d like to be a bit younger, mostly because people think I’m older than I am. And as a vampire, I think I’d be taken as older. When someone intimidates you, when they seem uptight and hang out by themselves, like the Cullens do, most people would guess them to be older.

    Although, I have to say… Vampirism is not my preferred state of being. I like sleep. I like the idea of growing older, believe it or not. And I like being human and me, which I’d lose something of along the way.

    And I know you are probably really busy… but I agree with #9. XD

  4. I would say I wouldlike tro be stuck at 25. What I would miss as a vamp is getting my drank on, and sleeping. Everything else they seem to be able to do.

  5. I’d like to be stuck right here at 24. I’ll be 25 the end of this year and would like to not age beyond that lol…every woman’s dream lol. I think Bella gave it all up too soon too but I suppose it made sense in Stephenie’s world.

    I cant wait for you to get through the next section of BD…I know those post are bound to be hilarious lol.

  6. Ha ha. Next chapter…
    *runs away*

    My friends and I have all Bern giggling in anticipation for you to read the next few chapters.

    As for the question, I’m not even going to bother going in to much detail. My answer is basically the same as everyone else’s (early 20’s). I have to wonder though, what would a senior vampire look like? Although I adore Stephenie Meyer, she does seem to like writing mostly about young, beautiful people with wisdom and intelligence beyond their years. (Egads! That sounds like criticism! I may have to excommunicate myself from the Church of Twilight!) So, if I’m not mistaken, there are no vampires in the book that are even CLOSE to their forties, let alone sixties. I’ve just always wondered what unattainable beauty would look like for an older person.

    By the way Kaleb, GET SOME SLEEP!

  7. 25 would have been a good age to stop at!! However, Edward is forever 17, so I can see the sense of changing at 18.

    I do think some of the vampires in this book are a little older. Can’t say more, or I”ll spoil you…

    Read fast!! I’m dying to hear your thoughts on the coming chapters!! πŸ˜‰

  8. hahahaha, your posts are always hilarious!! i always smile when i read them. lol

    i would want to be around 20 give or take if i ever became a vampire. πŸ™‚

    you need to read fast, soo i can read your thoughts. hahaha

  9. Lol, I LOVE the scottie mcmullett thing. and why do all “adult novels” have half dressed people on them? Not even photographs, just creeper drawings! It’s like porn or something! (not that porn is bad…)
    But i think i would want to be somewhere between 22 or 26 because 18 is still really young, but i wouldn’t want to be too old.

  10. P.S. Thank you so much for picking that song, because i went to listen to it and realized it’s the one my ex-boyfriend kept singing and it’s been stuck in my head for about a year! none of my friends knew it and it was a messy breakup so i could’nt ask him…

  11. I think that I would want to be in my twenties. That way I could either go to High School, College or get a full time job and i’m not stuck at one point of my life. Unlike the Cullens however, I would much rather repeat college because you can learn literally ANYTHING, have great collegeske fun and meet great people without the teenaged dramaz. That right- dramaz.

  12. Seventeen…its my favorite year so far…there were no worries, few responsibilities, and it was the year I found Twilight! πŸ˜€ <333333

  13. Ok so the evil vampire toddler baby picture with funky eyebrows is seriously creeping me out! lol
    anyway….being a vampire…If I were to turn into a vampire I think that I would like it to be sometime in my twenties because lets face it, any earlier and you would have to go to high school to blend in if you wanted to stay in one place and you couldnt really get to great of a job because what good-paying job would hire a teenager? And thats only if you wanted to stay in one place and get what you needed fairly, you could be evil and run around and kill people and take what you wanted but who honestly wants that? So I would have to say I’d at least like to be in my mid-twenties, you’d have the never-ending youth thing but you could take care of yourself and have more human maturity under your belt.
    But thats even if I wanted to become a vampire and I dont really think thats something I would really choose unless I knew with absolute certainty that I would have people who matter around me to share eternity with. Because I would be quite afraid to spend all that limitless time just by myself. I’d get really lonely and I also would hate to not be able to sleep, I would get so restless and crazy, of course this is only pretaining to SM’s vampires, if I was any other vampire and had to sleep during the day….well I think there’s alot I would miss out on in the day, there would be that longing to go out and explore a certain aspect of life that I couldnt grasp. And theres the blood thing…I dont know about that either, of course being a vampire you would have to like blood but…killing people and well that whole aspect of being a vampire is not apealing to me.
    now if I could live forever with the people I love and not be a vampire, just quit aging at about 25 and live forever with people I care about that way, I do it in a heartbeat, especially if, even with living forever I could still be “human” and not give up anything assosiated with that, but thats just me πŸ˜€


  14. I agree and say that 21 is a pretty kickin’ age to be at. Not like I’m livin’ life in the fast lane or nuthin, just a good age to stay at.

  15. “What would really be wrong with getting a deserted island and just living there with the person you love, without ever having to deal with anyone else or the mundane problems of the world?”

    Hehe, Kaleb, you will remember this line.

  16. you are such a funny guy! thanks for your insight too. i found your blog through stephenie meyer’s website and glad i clicked on it!

    i am right up there with Amy #54. but i started late with kids, so i am 37 with one 3 yr old, been married 12 years. i actually disagree with a lot of your fans about ideal age. i agree my skin looked a little better when i was 21, but in every other aspect, i feel like i am a lot more attractive now than at 25. as much as i dreaded 30, i am having a great time in my 30ies, and learning a lot about myself and my husband. loving my crazy little 3yr old! allowed me to completely identify with Rosalie’s initial negativity. plus, something about my face changed in a way that was very positive too, not sure if it is just losing the last bit of baby fat, or just being really sure of who i am and what i am capable of, but i like my 30ies! πŸ™‚ i vote for 35. i do agree that immortality sucks in a lot of ways, but if I had to go, i’d take my hubby with me and pick 35. πŸ™‚

  17. I’d choose around 20s. I wouldn’t want to be a vampire though. .. But not because I hate sleep or don’t like vampires. I just don’t want to live forever, while people around me die. ^_^ It’s such a sad thing.

  18. I would want to be 18 forever! Because I loved being 18! I didn’t want to get any older but the inevitable happened & I got older! I am enjoying my present age but if I was going to live forever, I would want to be forever 18! ;D

  19. Ah, crap. I didn’t check the site yesterday. Dammit. I’m officially the slowest commenter ever.

    I’m feeling too lazy to make witty remarks about your post, so I’ll just answer the question.

    This is actually an awesome question. I was just discussing this with a friend a few days back. I’m thinking mid 20s. Old enough to have a career and not have to go to high school. I mean, Carlisle is supposed to have trouble with his age, since he’s so young for his prowess as a doctor. It’d be nice to still be young, but not too young.

  20. I don’t want to be a vampire. I have absolutely no urge to live forever. However, if I had to choose, probably around Carlisle’s age. Young enough to be forever youthful, but old enough to be treated as a mature, responsible adult, and NOT have to repeat high school over, and over, and over again.

  21. Thinking with a human mind,I agree about the age thing. Of course I guess they don’t have to worry about the drinking age…and they can get fake ID and have the money to do whatever they want…so does it really matter???

  22. God, your site has more and more comments each new post you write.

    About your question, I wouldn’t want to be a vampire. I would love to be a werewolf though… They don’t age either, but they seem to be 25 more or less. That’s the best age to be stuck, I think. So yeah, I wanna be a werewolf. lol

    Let’s see what happens in the wedding!

    Talk to you soon!

    P.S. Ha, Edward wants to mimic Jacob… But Jacob is waaay better built, so… lol

  23. lol. It’s funny, I was suprised about Edward being shirtless too. It like came out of no where. But yeah, I found it extremely funny that Emmett and Jasper came to pick him up, so he wouldnt get out of it.
    Now to the question. I really dont know. I tend to run away from questions like this whenever it comes up (since getting hooked on Twilight, this question has been everywhere). I wouldnt know what age to be frozen at. It’s kind of a scary thought to think about it. But I guess like everyone else has said, probably around Carlisle and Esme’s age. They have enough pros and cons to balance it out. Someone mentioned before me that if you were stuck at Edward or Alice’s age you would probably be seen as a child still, which is true and state a good point. But I really wouldnt know. I dont have enough experience to know what age, I would like to be frozen at. So far I havent had a best year of my life. So I dont know!
    Also I agree with you. Although I am not eighteen yet. I still think that it wont be as epic as everyone makes it out to be.

  24. I’m 23 now and I’m at a really good place in my life so I would like to stay this age forever. And I think I would be able to go through some high school, at least the last two years, but still get through college which was much more fun.

    But I think you’re underestimating the reasons that Bella is being changed. She has said several times that she’s not just getting Edward, she’s getting an entire family. Yes eventually she will have to stop speaking to her parents and some of her friends, but Alice, Emmett and the rest will all be there. Even Jacob has the option to not age so if they can work out their problems she won’t loose him either. To me it makes the choice a lot easier.

  25. 21 maybe early 22
    you have finished school, maybe in college maybe not.
    you are legal!
    you dont have to keep on graduating high school.. go out get a job… get a new job everytime you change places!
    I’d be about 21 forever… but if i was with jasper, i wouldnt care how old… as long as i had him!

  26. I would definitely want to be stuck at age 21. At this point in your life, you have no age-related limitations to you (you can drink, get married, vote, etc.) However, you are not yet restrained by the mundane “real world adult life”, because (at least in my case) you’d still be in college. Not a bad deal, I’d say.

  27. 21 then I can do anything I want and still be young πŸ˜€ And everyone makes being 21 sound so cool, I don’t know yet though.

  28. I would want to be around 22 I think. I wouldn’t be a teenager anymore but still young!

    Breaking Dawn is my favorite book of the Twilight Saga!!! Happy Reading!!

  29. Lol. I would want to be frozen at the age of…um…21. I want to be able to enjoy the joys of drinking forever. =D Even if I won’t really be able to enjoy it, at least I got to try it before I was frozen as a vamp.

  30. YAY keleb!
    you’re finally back xD
    AHAH. i almost had a nervous breakdown.
    just kidding xD

    answer to your question: 19
    ’cause you’re old enough and not to young πŸ˜€
    its hard to explain. :S

  31. I’d probably want to be changed around the age of 30 or so. You still have your looks, you’ve finished school, you’re out in the real world. Of course, you could always go back for whatever advanced degree you wanted, you could have any career you wanted, any lifestyle you wanted.

  32. funny. you think you had it bad.
    I grew up with three younger sisters, yes, but i also had to stand the three older sisters above me and a brother whom i hate so very much. i see your point about the vampire toddlers, but what about vampire 10 year olds…just as bad!!

  33. I’m 18 right now, and I’d love it if I could stay 18 forever, just like Bella. I could do 19 though, because for some reason, that just seems like the perfect age.
    Edward with his shirt off? I’m sure Bella probably just ripped it off. (I would have if I were her anyway.) Covering that up would be like painting over the Mona Lisa.


  34. It’s funny how I started reading the saga waaaaayyy later (March this year) than you did and now I’m already ahead of you (on chapter 30 of BD). I bet I’m normally even slower and lazier reader than you are but what can I do when Steph has created so wonderful series.

    It’s been a great journey, reading your thoughts chapter by chapter while I’m going through them myself. I actually found this site after I’d finished Twilight and then read all your posts about it. After that I just went on reading and had to check back here between chapters. Now I’ve read every single post you’ve wrote about reading the books. Feels weird that you’re lagging me now and I can’t read your thoughts immediately after a chapter. I notice now how slow you read πŸ˜‰

    Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for keeping up this blog. You got one more reader for your upcoming book.

    Cheers, L

  35. before my next birthday would be great… then i will have graduated high school and still be 18.

  36. Twenty-three or twenty-four would be my pick. Young enough to look college age but old enough to pull off near thirty.

  37. ahahah, loved your comment on the two year old vampire and edward being shirtless πŸ˜€
    and as for the question…i’m only 16 so i don’t even know what it’s like to be 18 (bellas age) yet so it would be a tough call. but i do know that i would NOT want to be stuck at 16 forever… no way..no one takes you seriously and its just a really awkward time. if i had to choose i would probably say someone in between 19 and 23..not too old but not too young. can’t wait for you to read the next few chapters!!!

  38. God, i swear you are psychic sometimes. About that deserted island thing….(you’ll have to find out for sure yourself!)

    And i know you may not agree, but Edward can be shirtless in my bed any time πŸ™‚

  39. Ive Not Even Read Breaking Dawn Yet, And Your Making Me Want To, Darn My Friend That Wont Give Me The Book, Darn, Darn, DARN!!!

  40. im 12 and would HATE to be stuck here forever, nobody thinks you can do anything, when in actual fact, you know more things than them! id say 20-22 would be the perfect age, you can vote, drive and wouldnt have to do high school over and over!

  41. I find it so funny that you mentioned a deserted island… lol
    Anyway, I think I would like to be stuck at an age around 21 or maybe a little older. I loved high school but I would not want to keep repeating it over and over again! I’d much rather just keep going to college and get to study lots of different things. I’m 18 now and it’s a pretty good age but I’d rather be older if I were going to be stuck like that for enternity. =]

  42. I think 17 would have been a good age to be, forever. It was by far my favorite age, but I’m a few years too late… then again, 23 would be a nice age to be stuck at, too. πŸ™‚

  43. I think maybe 22….its not too young….but you could still always be an adult, instead of having to go through high scholl over and over and over again.

  44. hmm… i think seventeen would be a good age. i mean, it wasnt my best year, but it wouldnt stay that way. seventeen, you’re young enought to still get away with things, and almost legal. i digg that. gotta run, but i say seventeen
    “seventeen forever”- metro station

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